Can We Still Be Friends?

I'm officially moving into Wordpress... at least for now.

Visit me at blakestuddardblog.com from now on. If things change, I'll let you know from there.

I may utilize this space for something in the near future, so don't completely forget about me here.

I'm Moving

I moved into a new house a couple weeks ago, and I'm going to move into a new website in the next few days. I'll keep you updated, with a link to the new site soon.

Honor

For those of you living in Norman and going to Norman Community Church, you might find this uninformative (as our pastor Ken Primrose conveyed this more eloquently and clearly than I will here).

But for those of you who do not fall into that category, and for myself (since writing on here does much more for me than the ones who read this), I want to share this idea of honor.

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DIS-honoring someone doesn't mean you have wronged them. It simply means you have not honored them. You've treated them as ordinary and not special.

Honor is the first of the ten commandments to have a reward attached to it : 'Honor your father and mother that your days will be long in the land the Lord has given you.'

The two greatest commandments ('Love the Lord your God and love one another as yourself') are narrowed even more in John 13:34-35 by saying, 'a new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.'

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so,

the week before I heard the teaching that gave me the above information, the Lord began revealing to me the people I haven't been honoring. There were those who had walked away from the Lord that I was frustrated with. There were those who I felt had wronged me or wronged others. There were those who were prideful and stubborn and undeserving of the authority they had been given.

And up until now I was under a political-spirit-inspired lie that some of these people were deserving of my 'righteous anger' or even that I was hearing from the Lord a frustration and disdain for their behavior. But I was so far from the true key, the true door to the next place the Lord wanted for me.

Last Monday, I sat in my room and surrendered my mind and my heart to the mind and heart of the Father for those people I had been struggling with. I wasn't ready for the result that hit me with such weight and intensity, feeling certain wires in my heart and mind being ripped out and replugged into new places. I literally felt as He grabbed parts of me I had been getting used to and yanked them out. I found myself crying out, "Father, give me your heart for _______ ! I want the compassion and love you have for these people I've hated for so long! I want to love the unlovely! Even the ones who have done evil to me, I want your grace to send me out so I can go and bless them!"

It's always the opposite of the flesh.

The church you've walked away from : bless them. honor them. regard them as special, as the Father does.

That scripture about heaping coals on people as you love them : forget about the way you were taught that, where it involves a revengeful heart. Honor comes from a pure, compassionate heart.

That person who is attacking you : love them in a real way. a tangible way. don't just bless them with your mouth, but ask the Holy Spirit to begin and actual transformation in your heart toward that person. that one who deserves your love the least.

I believe the way we love the least lovable person on our list determines the amount of intimacy, love, and blessing we receive from God.

My Heart Is Awake With Many Things

(deep breath)...

I'm laying on a hotel bed in Texas. This has become an incredibly familiar place - this place of unfamiliarity. In January, it was great - it seemed like every new thing was just so good. But February decided to become one of the hardest months of the past year and a half or so. Everything seemed to drag on, relationships began suffering from communication problems and distractions, life on the road felt less enjoyable and more like a job again, and even though the Lord was providing in extravagant ways, I felt every inch of distance in my intimacy with the Lord. Maybe at some times they were more like miles.

I don't want to sound down, though. Yes, it's been hard recently (for myself and some of my closest friends), but we cling to our hope. God promised us His nearness. He vowed, swore, and made a covenant with us that He would give us the Holy Spirit as a comforter - teacher. He said the truth is that He longs to be near to us and that the lie from Hell is 'distance.'

At times, I've made the blasphemous mistake of blaming the devouring work of the Enemy on the 'will of God.' I've said that distance has come from God to make me hungrier for Him. Because of my need for a logical explanation, I've 'sacrificed my faith on the altar of human reason.' (Bill Johnson, sermon : 'Enduring Faith')

No, I don't know why I've felt distanced from God. But it's not from God. I cling to the hope that God will come, soon. He will once again be, as He has been millions of times before, faithful to his sons and daughters.

But for the sake of us who still need a reason, I can speculate : Maybe 'this kind only comes out with prayer and fasting.' Maybe I need to increase the amount of the Lord I allow in my life to remove this blockage, this demonic political spirit (the one that causes dissension, pride in rank, and an atmosphere of merit).

But regardless of what the reason may be, I will not blame the devouring distance I've felt this month on the One who came to bring life to the full. Nor will I blame Him for any sickness, disease, poverty, or any other Hellish aspect of the kingdom of darkness.

Am I saying that God cannot control these things and that these have happened against His will, that He is weak? Halfway. It was not His will for any to perish, to be stricken with disease or destruction. But He is not weak. He allowed us the free will we asked for. He is the covenant keeper. And because of that we must daily choose Him to come and free us from the prisons we come under as we neglect a right relationship with HIm.

Normally I'd apologize for the run-on thoughts and the lack of references to 'sound doctrine' (oxymoron?), but I'm not sorry. If any of this helps you, then amen. If this pisses you off, amen. If this bores the crap out of you... I don't blame you. All I know is I've needed to write this for a while now, and now I've done it.

I love you, whoever you are.

Scene Change

I'm tracking a worship record with Phil.

We started it back in August 08, but took some significant time off while he got married. Just today we hashed out a few songs and made lists of things we need in each. A few days ago we got together and got a vision for the record, mostly coming to the conclusion that we just need to finish what we've started, and do it as well as we can.

So for a few hours we sat and cut up songs, listened for what each one was lacking, and took in what the project is becoming as a whole. This was encouraging and discouraging at the same time. While I'm completely energized to put myself into this record as an important thing that contains so much symbolism and significance in my life, I am also very aware at the things hindering me from making it great sonically. I've been spoiled by the gear from other studios that I've learned in, and I know how things 'could' sound. But as we were listening today we began discussing the logistics of processing it when we are done doing all that the two of us can, including taking it to two other studios in Norman for some enhancing and final mixing.

I say all this (that many of you are just bored of reading and confused altogether) to say I am seeing a new day coming very quickly (and is upon me now) where I'm stepping into the next stages of the things I've been doing.

I'm also moving out of my current house this weekend to live with Brett for less $ than I pay now...

Life is once again taking me to another place. While it's a tiny scene change, it's definitely new.

My Favorite Number Was 8

I am sitting in Medieval Art History class, an upper division class usually taken only by art history majors. I say that to explain the foolishness of me blogging at the moment. But something was just said that I think is important for me to hear...

Growing up, my favorite number was always 8. I liked it because you could sit in class and draw over it and over it and never pick up your pencil for as long as you want. Around high school, I began drawing 8's with two circles instead of a vertical infinity shape...

Just now we are talking about octagonal shapes churches in the Medieval period. 

We discussed how there are 8 notes in a musical scale, and how the 8th note always recreates a new scale, rebirthing the scale.

The Lord also created in 6 days, rested on the 7th, and so the 8th day was a day of the cycle occurring again.

I've been experiencing shifts in seasons my whole life, but the past year has marked a cyclical pattern where things are coming full circle over and over again.

My birthday is the last day of the year, 12.31. Every time I turn a new age, the year is being made new as well.

Maybe I'll start drawing my 8's the way I did when I was younger.

twentyfivethingsyoumaynotknowaboutme

1. I was a skateboarder throughout middle school, and since my mom wouldn't let me wear Jncos, I got her to buy me some Lee Pipes. I got her good...

2. I can stretch the skin on my face a few more inches away from my face than most people can. I figured this out when I was bored in 5th grade.

3. There is only one other musician in my extended family, and it's always relieving when he's around during family gatherings. Sometimes I feel pressure to explain how a creative person can be financially successful in the world today, while at the same time communicating my passivity toward monetary gain.

4. I recently learned that I am an INFP.... Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving, with 90-95% Feeling. When I read the profile of INFP's, I was amazed at how accurate it was.

5. I only have energy to do things I really care about. But my energy for those things is intense and many times makes me obsessive.

6. When I was 15 I formed a group of about 10 friends together and orchestrated an outlandish way of asking a girl to be my girlfriend. This included fireworks when we kissed, cameras, walkietalkies, carpet, music, and a disco ball in the park, candles in the middle of a Taco Bueno, a song and an after party. Flawless, except I didn't like the girl THAT much.

7. I had two hernias when I was an infant.

8. I've totaled 2 cars. The first time, I was turning left at an intersection and a car full of my friends drove by to my right, screaming at me while I crashed head on with the car coming the other way. The second time, two years later, I was driving home after an appointment to see if I had ADD.

9. I married two girls at the same time in preschool and had my first french kiss with a 9th grader when I was in 5th grade. She was babysitting me while I was on a family trip in Alaska.

10. I've never broken any bones.

11. When I was 14, my best friend Ira and I would steal his parents' cars at 2am and speed around Tulsa, usually visiting multiple girls' houses.

12. When I was 4 and my brother was 8, he threw a dart at me and it pierced the corner of my mouth.

13. When I was 3, I ate a tiny piece of poop that fell out of my diaper, thinking it was a raisin.

14. I love making art and I love the art school, but it hurts me to see so many people lose their identity, allowing themselves to be defined by what they make, wear, listen to, or write. While this usually makes a person better at their craft, it's NEVER the exchange.

15. The Lord has been reinventing the way I experience Him everyday for over a year and a half.

16. I'm intensely sentimental, causing me to love fiercely and lose things painfully.

17. I check my email and follow links to Facebook if something alerts me. I have 192 inbox messages I haven't taken the time to delete.

18. I do artistic things for both enjoyment and employment : guitar, drums, keys, live audio production, studio audio engineering, photography, screenprinting, and graphic design all feel equally natural to me but I feel like I only know about half of what I need to know about each.

19. I'm left handed when I throw, golf, kick, and hit, but I'm right handed when I play guitar and write.

20. I experience the Lord everyday through recurring numbers. I was confused when it first started happening, but now I embrace it.

21. I am (arguably) too open about my spiritual experiences on my blog, but having some people (many I don't even know) tell me that it has blessed them has kept me connected to that.

22. I only hear the instruments (and vocals as instruments) when I listen to a song for the first time. This pisses off my friend Brett who only hears the words being sung.

23. Intimacy is the most important part of my relationship with the Lord. Community is the most important part of my relationship to the world around me.

24. I was expelled from Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity for not paying. I think I should've been expelled for not caring.

25. I generally like really really sad or intimate songs.