Satisfaction

Words from 'Utmost for His Highest' by Oswald Chambers in today's devotional:

"The refusal to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering in human life. It works this way- if we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of [that person] every perfection and every rectitude, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; we are demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot give. There is only one Being Who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Why our Lord is apparently so severe regarding every human relationship is because He knows that every relationship not based on loyalty to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no man, yet He was never suspicious, never bitter. Our Lord's confidence in God and in what His grace could do for any man, was so perfect that he despaired of no one. If our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone."

We should never trust ANYONE... hmm. weird.

Oswald Chambers is not Jesus, so we shouldn't just take him at his word, but I think I agree with this statement. Since we are all fallen people, we should never trust anyone with the things we need from God. I know, now you're saying, 'oh, well yeah, duh.' but wait a second.

How many of us are trusting God for everything that we need?

I'm not.

I can't. It's too hard. It requires too much faith. Not a day goes by where I don't allow at least one person to speak life in the form of a compliment to me and for at least a second I am illusioned by what they said. I have to constantly be in prayer about this, because if I allow myself to exist in that moment after someone said I was good or talented or anointed at something, I'm trusting them for the identity I must be given by Jesus. Now, I know God locks His word up in the mouth of a friend many times, but we must be careful to recognize it not only as a word from Him, but as His mouth that is speaking it... just through someone.

Welp, that's about it for today.

God Is Crazy.

Wow. What a mysterious, terrifyingly close God we have... Or rather, that has us.

It's 4:15ish... pm.

I'm so floored, almost paralyzed by the awe I'm in of Him. It's physically hard to lift fingers to type.

I feel like I just took a couple drags of marijuana, really.. heavy. But good. Very good. So bear with me as I try to make sense.

Here's what I've come to from events of the past couple days, this day, this moment, being just as intense:

*God speaks via the clouds, trees, wind, voices of friends, numbers on our clocks, license plates and odometers, the words stitched on the backs of people's hats, the cop car, ambulance or fire truck that just pulled by you, even through music featuring a made up language of an icelandic-speaking homosexual.

Here are just a couple events over the past few days that have revealed these venues of God's voice:

Sunday:

My friend Alex has a thing for trees... She loves how they grow up, reaching up and worshiping the Lord with their existence. I've found They are waiting for the Lord to let His wind push them and have them clap their hands for Him in worship (Isaiah 55). She told me this at lunch along with Blake Slatten, and that night at cluster a man had a vision of a tree in the middle of the room, with leaves that are for healing, available to people who are in need of His Touch (Revelation 22).

Monday:

She and I sat on boot hill in Yukon, in awe, because as we thanked the Lord for the wind, He increased the intensity of it, multiple times. At that moment, we looked to the right, and the sun peeked out from behind a sky filled with clouds. Then, 10 birds that were completely white flew from right to left across our field of view (hadn't seen any like these all day, or after this moment). Then, looking back right, the sun made rays underneath the clouds. Incredible.

I got a pain in my hips right before we were going to watch Batman: Dark Night, and when I sat down in my seat, the back of a man's hat in front of me just said 'Payne.' He was one of only three other people in the theatre. I had listened to Zach Payne's record earlier, and I was in pain, so that was cute I guess. Not real pleasant, and I'm not gonna try and interpret the event, but I'm just saying... God's everywhere.

Then, when I was about to drive back to Norman, my odometer read 77055. Psalm 77 and Isaiah 55 are both very close to me.. also extremely relevant to the day.

In the car, I probably saw 10 or so numbers that directly spoke to me. One of which was my birthdate, 12:31, as I asked the Lord if this was what he had planned for me for that day. It's cool, too, because Luke 12:31 says, 'Instead, seek His Kingdom, and these things will be added to you.' Which for me is huge because God has put this juicy plate of food in front of me at his dining table, and He's testing to see if I will keep my eyes on His Face instead of some blessing He's offering. He's after me.

He's after you.

He is a jealous lover running after you. (Phil Rice song 'Hallelujah')

Today:

Talked with Bo in the car to see Blake at Plaid about the parallels God puts in our lives, like when you see a flask or something in a catalog and someone gives one to you the next day who is a complete stranger. (I'm trying to paraphrase and just give you the relevant stuff, but I think you know the little blip weird moments I'm talking about.... Oh yeah, I guess some people use the word 'coincidence'... hahaha, riight.) For some reason, I thought to say something about my pastor, Ken. When Bo and I walked into Plaid, Ken was sitting at a booth, eating his lunch.

Then I walked with the Lord around my Lake and I was going to look up a certain passage, but it fell open to Isaiah 55, and as I read through it, Holy Spirit just blew my mind with how he has made that chapter alive to me these last three days.

Then I talked to Brett on the phone (He's 24 hours from coming home from Israel!). He brought up 'out of the blue' the passage about Elisha and Elijah and asking for a double portion. 2 hours prior to this, I was reading Experiencing God (a devotional) and guess what the title was... "A double portion." The reference verse was the same thing Brett brought up!

Then he brought up the story of Joseph, saying he thought of me because it's my middle name. Just last night, Alex asked me what my middle name was. A question I hadn't been asked in months at least.

Moral of today's story: The Lord is speaking to you (clock says 4:55 right now). He even timed my typing this to land on 55. He's a jealous lover running after you. He wants you to know that there are no coincidences. You are being irreverent to the Lord to say there are. God is in control. When you are living in intimacy with Him, it makes much more sense, so just tap into it. Surrender control. Release the reigns. Keep your eyes on His Face and off the blessing.

Anything that penetrates, resonates, communicates, comforts, challenges, or convicts you about this post is not from me. It's the Lord using my heavy fingers to speak very specifically and intimately with you. 

Thank you's to the empty people that allowed God to use them so I could hear from Him:

Phil Rice

Stephen Pyle

Madison Kerner

Blake Slatten

Bo Walbrick

Brett Colclasure

Alex Ford

Please stay empty, you seven. God's doing miracles through you.

Hearing God In All The Non-Religious Places

I was about to go to sleep, but couldn't wait to write this:

Just got off the phone with Madison. It was awesome. The Lord definitely knew what He was doing when He had us lead that trip together... Mostly because it wasn't the trip- it's how God is still actively moving because of the spurring on that happens every time we're around each other. A very iron-sharpening-iron thing.

Here are a couple things I got from our conversation that I feel the need to blog:

We need to listen to the Lord for what He is really saying, not what our religious ears are hearing.

'religious ears' : By this I mean the phenomenon that happens when we've seen God move a lot. We've started to feel like we've figured out what God is trying to say because of an association of a particular word, event or situation to a past one. 'Well, last time this happened, it turned out to be this...' should never be the end of our interpretation of His Voice. I do believe God brings rhythms, patterns, and repetition in our lives (I'm the king of finding repetitions to be God's urging), but failing to consider that God may not be merely repeating Himself in any given situation is to quench Holy Spirit. Let us take each new conversation, interaction, season, and change in our lives as new moments, new and unfiltered avenues for God speak to us.

I've experienced a lot of weird situations this summer. I'm not accustomed to either living in Africa or on the road around the US for 11 weeks. It's not normal for me to meet a bunch of new people, most of which I will never see again, spend a few moments with them, then understand that we both have very different lives to go out and live. From the child in the African hospital that I spent minutes praying with to the camp staff of Wildweek I spent 5 weeks around, each new person I met this summer has a home very disconnected from mine. But, with the Kingdom mind, we can see that God has intricately crossed our paths with another person for some reason. Since there is no such thing as coincidence, it becomes more apparent, clear, and common that God is up to big things in small places. So perhaps it would be more accurate to say all these 'small' relationships with these 'random' people involve the very same home. As believers, sons and daughters of the Lord, we are home only in the Lord.

In Tulsa For A Night Or So

The tour is over. 

I'm hilariously, helplessly, ridiculously, completely, unashamedly, forever in love with you.

I don't want the things I don't need:

money.

music.

recognition.

peace.

comfort.

life.

a girl.

family.

purpose.

success.

I need you. Your heart is all that I want. If all these things never come, or aren't right for me, or you take them away, I don't care. Just let me have you. Just let me see your face. Just let me know that you're there. If any or all of these things hinder me from knowing you more, refuse them and take them away. I hate them. I hate anything that keeps me from knowing you more. I'm disgusted by the way our Enemy has slipped into almost everything, making us able to stand on our own.

Sitting here with the T.V. on.... Sigur Ros playing in my headphones.

Some pervert is making money off of a girl on his show increasing his ratings just because she looks like she wants to have sex with me... Despite the fact she's actually looking at a camera. Stupid. I hate late night T.V.

Turned the T.V. off.

Even as I'm writing this, Enemy is right there on the wall trying to get to me through the T.V.

Funny, though. I just told you I hate that crap. It's doing nothing for me.

I've tasted too much of you to get pleasure from that crap.

Pause.

Re-reading what I just wrote. Seeing if it made any sense.

Changing a couple words so hopefully the readers will understand.

Don't know why I'm writing like this... Maybe cuz it's 2:03 am and I've been on the road all day.

Deep breath.

I love Sigur Ros.

Their music has accompanied some awesome prayer times.

Got to see Phil today. I love him. I'm gonna do a post on him soon.

Pause.

Thinking about Phil and how excited I am about living with him this year.

I got to go pray with Phil and some Bridgeway people today in OKC on the way to Tulsa. I love that. I've missed that this summer: people hungry for the face of God, allowing Holy Spirit to fall. People that spend so much time around the Lord that their spiritual gifts just flow during prayer. Empty people. People like Brett Colclasure, Madison Kerner, Stephen Pyle, and Blake Slatten.

It's late. I wanna be able to get up and see Grant tomorrow.

Current Mood: 'Experienced the Lord's peace today and gained more disdain toward the things that keep me from Him.'

"Blessed Are The Poor In Spirit...

...for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

Matthew 5:3

This Mozambican girl in the photo will almost positively never have the things that are listed on her shirt as her 'favourite' things: new shoes, text messaging, jewelry, MP3 players...

It's the very first thing Jesus said in his most famous sermon. And honestly, I haven't really known what it means to be poor in spirit until it happened to me. I had a lot of speculation, and I guess I sort of got it, but man... When it really happens to you, you feel it. It's funny how things all of a sudden become truth when you experience them. That's what I love about the Lord. He's forced me to understand that He is real because I've experienced Him.

But back to being poor in spirit:

It popped up in a devotional I read today and really stuck to the walls of my heart because I've been praying through and hearing from the Lord about being empty. Emptiness is always going to precede me knowing God more, seeing Him at all. Every time I exist in a moment, I'm clouding my view of the Kingdom and the very face of God. And I've seen too much of His Face to make the foolish move of allowing things to blur that view. I think I'd be fine if I were blind. The eyes on my face get in the way a lot when my heart's eyes should be the ones that are seeing the Lord.

But back to being poor in spirit:

Jesus did not come to Earth to teach us. He came to make us into what He has taught us to be.* We don't even get to boast over our obedience. It is the Lord in us having His way with us, transforming us. So before we get to feeling good about ourselves because we helped at a soup kitchen or read our Bibles or prayed, lets remember that the Lord did that. He allowed us to be a part of Heaven coming to Earth and worked through us to make that happen. Everything we do to advance the Kingdom has been done despite us.

But back to being poor in spirit:

It means emptiness. Rid of ourselves. Poured out. Dead. 

The very foundation of the Kingdom is poverty. As long as we are thinking well of ourselves and going out and existing in our daily lives, we are missing the Kingdom. We are not taking ground in the Kingdom. We are losing it. But when we allow allll those crappy parts of our lives- the bills that can't seem to get paid, the 'accidental' injuries, the breakups, the loneliness, the suffering- to break us of our selves trying to live our lives and realize what they really are there for: God has blessed you with them. He's given you the opportunity to be poor in spirit. To see the way He can move His Kingdom in your life.

If you're reading this, I'm praying that you come up with no solutions to your problems. I don't wish for you to pull through on the next car payment, to find a friend to pacify your isolation. I pray for the Lord to be only thing that you have. Then, when He blows your mind with His perfect Provision, don't thank me. I didn't write this. Well, I pray that this was not of me. I pray that anything said here that was of me to be forgotten as soon as you get off the internet.

Blake

James 'Blake' Slatten.

I just got done talking with him for about an hour about the upcoming changes in our lives and how our current interactions with the Lord are preceding them. It was great.

Blake is the person in my life that I seem to (oddly) be very similar to:

He played high school baseball; I was a skateboarder.

He listened to country music back then; I rocked out to Limp Bizkit (unfortunately).

He trims his hair between 1 and 3 times a month; I haven't cut my hair in a year and a half.

He gags when he has to pick up coins; I just put a quarter in my mouth to gross him out earlier today.

He knows how to two-step; I rip out my guitar strings during Neighborhood shows.

He's going to live in Waco, TX in the fall; I'm moving into a different house in Norman, OK in August.

Also:

We both go by the name 'Blake'.

Our initials (that we go by) are both BJS.

Both of our last names start with 'S', are two-syllabled, and have double letters starting with the 4th letter.

We both hate lettuce, tomatoes, and onions on any sandwich or hamburger.

We have both led mission trips to Mozambique.

Both of us were accepted to Elevate (Antioch Training School in Waco, TX).

Both of us bunch- not fold- our toilet paper.

We slept in the same bed starting in May for the summer (as long as I wasn't in Africa or on the road).

There's something else we have in common that I will have to disclose at a later date due to the risk of certain people finding out via this post. (No, we're not gay).

We love to worship the Lord on our faces, spending hours with Him in order to know him more. We are both hungry to hear His voice. We find our homes only in Him. We have both tasted brokenness, and it has changed our lives forever. We have both denied the approval of our parents in order to fully surrender to the Lord's call on our lives (not that that's always necessary or makes our parents any less Godly- just another commonality we share).

So there are some of the similarities between Blake and I.

Here are some things that stand out to me when I think of Blake Slatten:

When God is breaking you, he will ALWAYS push you deeper into the fire. One time, when I was bawling my eyes out over the loss of a girl in my life, he prayed aloud over me, "Lord, I pray more persecution over Blake. I pray he would become more weak than he is now, because you will be proven to be even more strong."

When you are unsure about a major change occurring in your life, Blake will ALWAYS pump you up and make you ready to recklessly abandon your inhibitions and trust that the adventure God is calling you to is much more appealing than the comfortable, boring, pacifying, dead life you are prone to choose. This urging is always from a genuine place in his own experiences, enthusiasm and faith in Jesus.

Blake sat with me for more hours than just about anyone else when I broke up with the girl I had given my heart to. For months, repeating myself and working through all God was saying to me, he faithfully and loyally sat there and prayerfully answered every question I had and God made him one of His key mouthpieces in the Desert I found myself last Fall. Even now, we revisit our Winter breakups, our calls to suffer with the Lord. We know that these events were crucial and life-changing, integral in bringing us to where we have found ourselves today.

I remember him telling me what God had done through me to touch his life. I was sitting on a couch in the prayer room in a duplex three doors down from his house- he was sitting on a dining chair in the middle of the room, really feeling heavy, empty, and in pain with brokenness. He made the brokenness make sense by telling me how much God spoke through me because of it. I cried and shook my head with awe over how precious that moment was, completely floored that I had been blessed to this degree- that I had been chosen to experience this intense level of beauty.

His prayers over me have channelled the Lord into my spirit to the point where I have literally convulsed on the ground.

So there's a taste of Blake Slatten. As is the same with Brett and Stephen, he has touched my life with the Power of God that goes beyond man-made words and inspiration. These people (as I will reiterate as I go on to write about more of the key players in my life) are the people God has spoken to me through. They are my teachers, my pastors. The Lord through these people is the reason I am experiencing this level of intimacy with Jesus. I am madly in love with these people.

Bless them, Lord.