"Let's Talk... About Spiritual Puberty"

That's how I began my new journal. I've recently realized that I have a lot of things to process, and being the introvert I am, I decided a few days ago to get alone and talk with God. It's been a year full of aloneness with the Lord, but the summer hit me and left me before I could think twice about anything that happened within it. Don't get me wrong - I journaled like a crazy person (as is the pattern this year) the whole time. But somehow, perhaps due to the rapid fire of changes and movements happening in the last three months or so, I've got a bunch of suppressed crap I need to deal with. Okay, it's not crap, but it's a lot of stuff.

So I decided to get alone and have some talks with the Lord, focused and centered, 'in monk - mode' as Phil would describe it. I've discovered it's how prophetic people run away and approach God. And here is a taste of the surprising things I got back from the Lord as I heard him speak just moments after turning to Him this way :

I've learned some more of what it means to be an introvert

It means that after a long day full of people and interactions and work, I want to run home and be alone and introspective, processing the day I just had, getting a hold on myself and spending time to know how that relates to what is to come. Extroverts would come home from that to talk it up with their roommates and process out loud.

This has caused a blockage in me at this point because of the lack of time and availability of my heart to adjust and face the things I found myself doing (touring the midwest with a worship band 12 hours after landing in the States from Africa being the biggie). I realized last weekend that I haven't debriefed yet from a trip that happened almost 4 months ago, and that in and of itself stung a little bit.

I've learned some more of what it means to be prophetic

It means that I am susceptible to getting attached to and defined by an identity (usually in a desert situation) that I have been operating in for a while. Example : I entered a desert almost a  year ago and it changed my life. The phrases used to describe that place are : perseverance, faithfulness in little, seeking the Face of God, prolonged intimacy with God in the quiet places. Due to the life and presence of God exuding from that season, I am dealing with how to feel okay in new seasons. Prophetic people pray, contending for God to come, and when He comes, many prophetic people don't know what to do or how to adjust in rhythm with what is happening. This is where God wants us to grow. He wants us to function in the body. Sure, some prophetic heroes have spent decades in the desert, but the Body of Christ needs prophetic people as much as the extroverted evangelists and teachers.

To sum up, I am being called to find my secret place with God in the midst of relationships and if I don't learn this, I will not grow the way I need to. We have to be stretched to grow.

I was expecting God to receive me a few days ago in the dark room with candles and quiet walks with pastoral figures in my life and tell me how proud He was that I had chosen to be alone with Him. Instead, He has told me I need to learn how to operate from a place of intimacy and rest in the midst of people and relationships.

I guess it makes sense. I've been describing the past month of my life as 'Spiritual Puberty' because I know I'm growing and moving into a more mature place than I have been this past year, but everything I'm doing feels wrong and awkward and new. I don't know what to do with all the newness (moving into a Rock and Roll Band house in Norman away from the old house that was a sanctuary of solitude with a lake, separated from any trace of OU Campus' stench being the biggie).

But  s  l  o  w  l  y , I'm learning. And it feels good.