Thank You... (To My Spiritual Fathers)

Thanks Stephen. You're always telling me I'm anointed and even though we are often sacrilegious and sarcastic when we joke around (maybe sacrilege is actually a good thing... future post?), I always end up in a good place, closer to the Lord than when I was prior to hanging out with you. You don't have to build up to a place of reverence, you can switch to the spirit realm instantly when you feel the Holy Spirit urge you to. Thank you for being sensitive to the Spirit. From the moment I entered the desert, you were there, literally, and that has made me a more earnest lover of the Lord. I love you and I look up to the discipline you possess, running in the physical and spiritual without fatigue.

Thanks Brett. You have dug so deep in my soul during the talks we've had that it feels a lot like when Ramey does his heart surgery stuff, except it's every time we talk. You don't mess around, and I have been blessed by that. Your respect and awe of the Lord puts things into perspective for me, and your knowledge of the prophetic and inner healing always leaves me with a 'good heavy,' the weight of the truth of the Lord resting on me. Every time I'm in your presence, I'm blessed by the presence of the Lord. I couldn't ask for a spiritual brother with more integrity and faithfulness. 

Thanks Grant. You have spoken words over me that have altered the paths of my life, and without knowing it, they were words from the Lord, telling me to follow my heart and not my head. If it wasn't for your words, I would've been in school to be an electrician or a businessman, forsaking the gifts the Lord has given me. You've pushed me in the areas of my creativity, being an integral part of the force that made me a person of passion. Thank you for loving me selflessly and pouring advice and life lessons into me since I was only 15 years old.

Thanks Blake (Slatten). You're the one I've looked up to as a man of supernatural passion and conviction since my first weekend at OU. You've taught me how to run after the face of God, leaving everything behind and offending the minds of people. Your faith that fears no man and cannot be bought challenges the deepest parts of me to live extravagantly. Thank you for the times of prayer in our room with our faces buried in the carpet, overwhelmed by the reality of the supernatural realm. Thank you for getting that tattoo with me that proved to be more prophetic than we had bargained for...

Thanks Philip. You're my father, brother, guide, and role model. Everything I know about intimacy with Jesus and hearing the voice of God can be traced back to the roots you implanted in me about 3 years ago. My spiritual heritage wouldn't have been rich and experiential without you. You've taught me how to know the Lord and commune with the Spirit, not by words, but by power. You've pushed me musically more than anyone I've known. You've believed in my musical and spiritual anointing, causing me to experience the love of the Lord through both in a way I never could have dreamed of. I want to fall in love the way you did.

Thanks Nick. God blessed me with you as a boss, friend, and band mate. I have continually been inspired by your energy and work ethic, knowing your abilities and defying the voices of the Enemy that have told you that you can't accomplish the things God has put on your heart. I'm proud of what you've done and when the worship music we play stops playing, I will have learned vast amounts of what it means to have a career in music and ministry simultaneously.

Thanks Tim. I don't know why the Lord had you spend coffee meetings and conversations at the Refuge with me, but apparently He wanted to deposit in me an element of His heart that would change the way I saw the poor and addicted forever. I want to follow Jesus in the apostolic gifting the way you have, fearlessly and fully abandoned to the guidance of the Lord, forsaking wealth and fame for the Kingdom. Thank you for teaching me how to have a Kingdom mind.

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I love you all. I cannot believe the amount to which each of your spiritual lives has changed me. Thank you for speaking life over me time and time again. My prayer is that I would make each of you proud to be in the place of spiritual authority over me, that I would have respected your position and proven myself faithful to the calling you placed on me. Because of you, I've seen too much. I've been ruined, and I have no excuse for disobedience, laziness, or ignorance. The knowledge I received from you was of the Spirit, causing me to know the face of God... not a cheap form of inspiration that led me to a perceived accomplishment. Your words left me undone. Elevated in revelation, but broken as I gained perception of the reality of who God really is and what that means for me.

You are the most serious parts of my life and I love you.

On Loss... (Written For A Close Friend)

... not that I really have anything to say.

First off, I want to assure you wise people out there that you are right - I have nothing to say that will prove to be profound about the subject of loss. However, as is the root of this post and my whole life - the Lord, the Holy Spirit speaks, gives wisdom, comforts, and carries through. So anything you think you've obtained as 'wisdom' that you find useful or good, if it really is useful and good, came from Him. Not you. And anything from this post that is truly useful and good came also from the Holy Spirit who taught it to me. And let me assure you 'wise' people out there - He is the only one who could've taught this to me. 

Loss is something I'm very acquainted with. I would say I'm good at loss. Not because I've numbed myself to anything dear to me... I'm quite the opposite. I latch on and don't let go. I unhealthily hold onto the people and sentimental parts of my life with all I have. I love deeply and strongly. I give myself to anything and everything I love. Being good at loss, for me, means I've found the place worth running to. I know where to find healing. Even though I've whored after the portions apart from the Lord, He always takes me back. Being good at loss, for me, doesn't mean I'm noble. I'm quite the opposite.

About a year and a half ago, I lost the girl I was about to marry via a surprise breakup. It was an immediate loss, kind of like an accidental death, only this provided a different language of confusion and lies. But more importantly, this provided what every loss provides : an opportunity for the gaining of something more, better, dearer, of more worth. Something from the Lord.

I'm going to sound irreverent or insensitive in some respects when I tell you what I've learned. But I am confident that the Lord is energizing this word. His mercy and His grace are so offensive, especially in times when logic, effort, and gain is our defaulted defense mechanism. He tells us to boast in our weaknesses, rejoice in our sufferings, and recognize our strength amidst inability. He says the death of ourselves means life. And in a narcissistic culture, these are the most offensive things that can be said.

But I dare you, this time, this time that the Lord has once again favored you by tearing away the one thing you can't give him... I dare you to actually choose Him as your portion. Do it everyday, every moment. When you don't feel the good emotions from Him, prove yourself faithful to Him by saying, 'though He slay me, still I will trust Him.' Embrace brokenness, seeing it as an avenue of breakthrough rather than the Enemy's victory of breakdown. 

To the one I wrote this for that may never read this :

I love you. I know it hurts. But I pray you don't get it back. I pray that this time the Lord does you the biggest favor of your life and keeps it from you forever. It's the name of my whole blog : "rid me of myself, I belong to you." 

Lord, possess your bride. Holy Spirit cause this person to miss YOU. Not the thing they lost. May this person long only for intimacy with you. May they experience your love and your words of truth. May pain from you be the best feeling they've ever felt. And keep this avenue open, that they may know the plans you actually have for them - plans of hope. Good, perfect, pleasing plans. I speak life over this person and not death. Life over this person via death. Not death via death, but life via death. Come teach them your ways, the ways that require all that we have. Explain your jealousy and your fiery love to this person. 

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus, come.

22

A much more profound entry by the same title written by a close friend of mine can be viewed here.

I turned 22 yesterday, on 12.31.08.

It's always interesting having a new years eve birthday, especially as I am seeing myself become more and more mystical about changes in seasons and the mile markers of life.

2 Samuel 22 popped up around the 30th, revealing that an inner cry of mine over the 2008 year has actually been recorded as a song of praise by David. In his book 'Velvet Elvis,' Rob Bell says that the greatest truth of the Bible is not that it happened, but that it happens. I believe I grasp that concept in moments like the ones where I see my reality written out in a book created thousands of years ago. The more I allow my heart to touch the Lord's, aligning my heartbeat with His, the more I see my present reality in scripture. The more I allow my heart to listen to the lies and distracting phrases of the Enemy's demonic realm, the more I forget the relevance and power of scripture.

I was in Dallas from the 29th to the evening of the 31st. I spent the day of my birthday striking (tearing down) a set for a youth conference, driving to Norman to quickly drop off my gear and grab by snowboarding clothes, then finishing the drive to Tulsa to meet my family for my birthday dinner at Outback (I drove straight to the restaurant, ran inside, and the waiter was there with my family seated, asking me what I'd like to drink). The car was definitely my office for the day, making phone calls with friends and planning out what to do for new year's eve.

Brett, Stephen, Madison, Jill and I planned to meet over at Stephen's house to mooch off his parent's church party's snacks, champagne, and wine. Gotta love being in Tulsa sometimes.

Also gotta love spiritual family. Brett, Stephen, Madison, Jill and I all go to Norman Community church. Despite being from different clusters, the Lord has aligned our hearts together, resonating in a beautiful way.

We decided to intercede and worship for a while, asking the Holy Spirit to come and bring a spirit of remembrance, thankfulness and worship. It was beautiful. God allowed us to see 2008 from His eyes, with the spirit of prophecy touching down to reveal themes, provisions, and faithfulness that all came from Him. Then, without skipping a beat, He was faithful to bring in vision, hope, and revelation for the year to come in 2009. 

The rundown of 2008:

God preparing hearts through purging, refining, redeeming, etc.

God assembling the troops through divine appointments, holy organization, etc.

God equipping the leaders and warriors with the gifts of the Spirit.

The forecast of 2009:

God will allow us to harvest more fruit via an increase in healing, rebirth, and renewed relationships.

God will continue to impart gifts to people as He draws his Bride closer to Himself.

We will learn to walk with God in His blessings as He teaches and leads us by the Holy Spirit.

We will be going on the offense, taking more ground in the Kingdom exponentially.

After that, we went around to each person in the room, asking for visions, pictures, words of wisdom, etc. that would be a covering for each individual in the coming year. Without giving out the intimate details of these friends of mine, I will just say that God proved Himself faithful over and over with accurate prophetic words and an atmosphere of tangible love that left all of us craving more. We had to take a break and went downstairs for the midnight countdown, but something felt incredibly right and good about giving the new year's eve of 2008 to the Lord.

To the religious, it would seem that our initial new year's plans of running around downtown bars and venues were ruined by an obligatory, drawn out seance of sorts that made us feel better about ourselves. But for us, we were blessed by the presence of God. You see, you can't conjure up the presence. He gives it to us... we don't take it from Him. Sure, He'll always give Himself when He is asked. But beware of the religious spirit that thinks the Kingdom exists in words and methods and achievement, while being sensitive and welcoming to the Holy Spirit who desires to commune with the willing in purity and truth just as any lover does.

12.27.08

The day Philip and Becky Rice began their lives together.

Gah, that's just messed up.

Here's the wedding through my eyes:

Matt (drummer from the neighborhood and stardeath), Eric (bass player from the neighborhood), and I were perched up in the balcony. Cables, computers, iPods, drums, a sampler, hand percussion, a synthesizer, delay pedals, bags and cases littered the space around the Yamaha m7CL (a digital mixing console). And right out over the rail, everyone dressed up, each ribbon and fabric placed carefully, every relative positioned in the right chair, the church was full of excited hearts and anticipating loved ones.

Weddings usually piss me off. Things are generally so pretentious. Trust me, I believe decorating and atmosphere are totally valid and always essential. I'm not talking about that stuff. I'm talking about the stench that exists too often at weddings where the relatives are uptight, the creeper uncle is checking out the bridesmaids (sorry, I don't know where that came from), the bride is worried about the unnoticeable flaw in her hair and dress, the groom is in need of a pep talk, and no one is actually happy because they drove and flew too far to just make their socially required appearance.

This wedding, however, couldn't have been more opposite of that. From the balcony, one of the musicians and I were noticing how only a small pocket of people weren't in the most lively conversation people could have in such a situation. The level of community and love existing in that one room was truly remarkable.

Then, before I could take it in, I was cued to start playing the keys that would set the mood for the whole service. You see, Phil, being a musician, and I, being his wing man in just about every musical endeavor he makes, sat together for hours writing out a score for the wedding. Yeah, like in a movie. This wedding was created to be a song. In the key of D. We tracked his vocals overlapping and swirling in falsetto notes, reverbed out to put it eerily in the distance. We spent time dialing in the synth sound I would be droning out perfectly. We discussed each movement of the music corresponding with the service. 

And it worked.

I played little soft droning synth chords for a while and abruptly stopped. It was time for Becky to come walking down the aisle to Phil. Making anxious eye contact with Matt, his finger hit the sampler trigger simultaneously with his big crash, opening up a naked space where Phil's pre-recorded vocals swept the sanctuary. Two bars in, Matt, Eric and I came in big, ushering the bride in with huge, epic notes.

Things would die down, flow, anxiously wait, slow down, and immediately hasten with the corresponding event happening in the wedding. And I must say, not due to our musical talent, but rather to an atmosphere of love and the presence of the Lord, the wedding was intense. No homily (speech or sermon), no dude on acoustic guitar, no 'butterfly kisses.' Just a series of emphases being placed on the epic moments of life: the triumphal entry, the vows, the intimate communion, the prophetic and savored prayer and laying on of hands (of over 60 or so people), and the big kiss. Dang. That's pretty rich.

Heritage

Philip Rice, my spiritual/prophetic father, is going to marry Becky Freeman tomorrow night. After just two and a half months of constant planning and preparing and arranging and writing and on and on... It's really going to happen. And that is just a crazy thing to begin wrapping my mind around.

Tonight we held a bachelor party for Phil at my house. Mitch Freeman (Becky's father), his sons, Sid Rice (Philip's Dad), his sons, Willis Rice (Philip's uncle), the guys of the Neighborhood (Matt, Eric, and myself), Shane Mock (Philip's spiritual father), Brett (my spiritual brother) were all in one room for a couple hours. The weight was intense.

We sat in a circle, with Phil in a nice leather chair, and each man told Philip what we thought about him and how he had changed our lives. 

The part that really messed with me wasn't the cute stories. It wasn't even the prayer, although it was one of the most important prayers I've ever witnessed. It was when Philip's father talked about the heritage of the Rice family.

Phil's dad had told Phil that he reminded him of his father, Phil's grandfather a few months ago while Phil was preparing to propose to Becky. I remember when that was said, because Phil and I talked a long time about the significance of that statement. But seeing his dad actually in front of me tell Phil the same thing I had only heard second hand was powerful. Then, when Shane followed up with a picture of the spiritual heritage of his relationship to Phil, I was definitely blown away. Parts of my heart started resonating that I didn't know existed. 

It clicked that Brett and I are spiritual brothers in a lineage of incredible men. The fact that Phil started calling the two of us his prophetic sons a few years ago set a part of my heart into place, and I could almost physically feel the connection being made. 

As we prayed, Shane had his hand on Philip's heart, and Brett and I were overlapping our hands over his belly area. I will NEVER forget this picture. It's an image of Shane depositing things into Phil, Phil stewarding them, and channelling them into Brett and I. And behind Philip were standing the two biological fathers (his father and his uncle) that passed down a ministry of passion and faithfulness from the very beginning of Philip's life, anointing him in a very special way as the first born among his brothers.

Well, there you go. Hopefully you're getting a picture of intense love and lineage that surpasses any talent, skill, or trade. Hopefully you're being inspired to begin pouring into someone under you and multiplying your life of intimacy with Jesus into them. I know I'm inspired to do just that.

...

Soak

Back in the Summer of 2006, while I was a counselor at New Life Ranch, I met Philip Rice. Due to timely appointments clearly from the Lord, we found ourselves retreating to remote rooms or buildings around the camp, playing music and praying together. At this point, deep intimacy in prayer was a familiar element in Phil's life. Despite my history of leading worship for years at my hometown church and knowing there could be more than I was experiencing back then, I could hardly believe the level of God's presence and love that existed while Phil and I sat in these candle-lit rooms alone with the Lord.

I realized a few things:

- Prayer and worship are learned behaviors.

- One cannot base their knowledge of God's presence on personal experience. 

- No one knows the extent to which someone can experience God's Presence.

- Although the Holy Spirit draws us in, God is a gentleman- He won't force Himself on you. You have a choice in receiving His unconditional love or rejecting it.

- We can always go deeper and know more of His presence- but we better be ready to look more and more ridiculous.

I vividly recall one night when the two of us were walking out of a dark, vacant chapel after sitting and experiencing Heavenly worship. We parted ways to go to our rooms and looking to me with a look of relaxation and rejuvenation, he said, "That was a good soak."

soak : [sohk] - verb

1. to lie in and become saturated or permeated with water or some other liquid.

2. to pass, as a liquid, through pores, holes, or the like : The rain soaked through the tear in the umbrella.

3. to be thoroughly wet.

4. to penetrate or become known to the mind or feelings. : The lesson didn't soak in.

5. to drink immoderately, esp. alcoholic beverages : They were soaking at the bar.

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God doesn't want you to know about Him. He doesn't want to know about you. He desires (more than you or I ever will) for you to know Him, experience Him. He wants you to feel Him. You're doing him no favors by saying, "It's enough for me to be 'reverent' and distanced from You." Calling it emotionalism is blasphemous, grieving the Lord who is crying out for communion with His beloved- YOU.

Screw sipping on the Living Water. I wanna soak in Him. Forget moderation. I wanna get drunk on the new wine of The Spirit. (I understand that the semantics can get confusing for someone who doesn't know me, but I have no other way of putting it.) I can't keep it in. I've found the purpose of my life. The life source I have always needed and searched in all the wrong places to find.

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It will look different for you than it does for me. That's the beautiful part. God has a perfect, intimate way of interacting with you. He's designed you to commune with Him in a way that is completely unique and suited for you. But understand the jealousy of Him- He wants the thing you just can't give Him, and if that means vomiting up your religious doctrine that has been encaging Him, you'll have to hang over the toilet for a while before you experience Him fully.

... and trust me- personally, I've never known such a beautiful purging.