First off, I want to assure you wise people out there that you are right - I have nothing to say that will prove to be profound about the subject of loss. However, as is the root of this post and my whole life - the Lord, the Holy Spirit speaks, gives wisdom, comforts, and carries through. So anything you think you've obtained as 'wisdom' that you find useful or good, if it really is useful and good, came from Him. Not you. And anything from this post that is truly useful and good came also from the Holy Spirit who taught it to me. And let me assure you 'wise' people out there - He is the only one who could've taught this to me.
Loss is something I'm very acquainted with. I would say I'm good at loss. Not because I've numbed myself to anything dear to me... I'm quite the opposite. I latch on and don't let go. I unhealthily hold onto the people and sentimental parts of my life with all I have. I love deeply and strongly. I give myself to anything and everything I love. Being good at loss, for me, means I've found the place worth running to. I know where to find healing. Even though I've whored after the portions apart from the Lord, He always takes me back. Being good at loss, for me, doesn't mean I'm noble. I'm quite the opposite.
About a year and a half ago, I lost the girl I was about to marry via a surprise breakup. It was an immediate loss, kind of like an accidental death, only this provided a different language of confusion and lies. But more importantly, this provided what every loss provides : an opportunity for the gaining of something more, better, dearer, of more worth. Something from the Lord.
I'm going to sound irreverent or insensitive in some respects when I tell you what I've learned. But I am confident that the Lord is energizing this word. His mercy and His grace are so offensive, especially in times when logic, effort, and gain is our defaulted defense mechanism. He tells us to boast in our weaknesses, rejoice in our sufferings, and recognize our strength amidst inability. He says the death of ourselves means life. And in a narcissistic culture, these are the most offensive things that can be said.
But I dare you, this time, this time that the Lord has once again favored you by tearing away the one thing you can't give him... I dare you to actually choose Him as your portion. Do it everyday, every moment. When you don't feel the good emotions from Him, prove yourself faithful to Him by saying, 'though He slay me, still I will trust Him.' Embrace brokenness, seeing it as an avenue of breakthrough rather than the Enemy's victory of breakdown.
To the one I wrote this for that may never read this :
I love you. I know it hurts. But I pray you don't get it back. I pray that this time the Lord does you the biggest favor of your life and keeps it from you forever. It's the name of my whole blog : "rid me of myself, I belong to you."
Lord, possess your bride. Holy Spirit cause this person to miss YOU. Not the thing they lost. May this person long only for intimacy with you. May they experience your love and your words of truth. May pain from you be the best feeling they've ever felt. And keep this avenue open, that they may know the plans you actually have for them - plans of hope. Good, perfect, pleasing plans. I speak life over this person and not death. Life over this person via death. Not death via death, but life via death. Come teach them your ways, the ways that require all that we have. Explain your jealousy and your fiery love to this person.
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus, come.
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