Sometimes I hate seasons of blessing. It means God is testing me to see if I'll choose brokenness over the success or provision He is giving me.
I'm not saying we should act like God isn't blessing us when he really is. I'm not saying we should be passive with the blessing He is giving us either. Which is why this crap is so hard. Which is why I hate seasons of blessing so much. Sometimes.
I just know how I've squandered the Lord's blessing in my past, and I know how good it feels to be desperately hungry for the Presence of God only to be filled just to the point where He is all you know. It's much better for Him to be your only source than for His blessings to be the things you find strength in. Even though they're from Him, they're just things. It's like how we shouldn't worship angels, but only God.. Sort of. We shouldn't rely on the presence of angels (or a relationship with a loved one) for our joy.
As I've said before, and I LOVE saying this: Pain from the Lord is so much better than pleasure from anything else. Even the things He's given us.
I read this today while I was walking with Jesus:
Psalm 144 (I'm gonna have to do a couple future posts on other parts of this Psalm, it's great)
v. 9 'I sing a new song to you, O God...'
I'm entering into a new place in so many ways. My 'song' (the way I approach Him) can't be the same as it was before, just longing for things to be familiar again. I must accept that God has brought me to a new place and now I have to allow Him to reign over it the same way He did in my past place, knowing it will feel and look much different.
vv. 12-14 (paraphrasing) 'Lord, bless the crap out of me, make everything great in my life. Make every aspect of each area of my life successful and good. Fill my stomach and my storehouse, even make my livestock comfortable as they give birth.'
Crazy. I usually think I'm being selfish and shallow praying like that. But what's cool is that in a verse before these two, David says that God is the one 'who gives victory to kings, who rescues David his servant from the cruel sword.' This makes me give David a little more slack- he's praying for God's blessing over his life after having experienced His Provision and Love in a huge, intimate way. I trust that David's asking for the blessings was out of a pure heart that wanted to worship the Lord with the blessing, and asked this of Him out of a knowledge of His Goodness and Authority to be the only one who could provide it in a way that would keep David safe from squandering it.
When God blesses us during an intimate relationship with Him, He gives us good things that cause us to worship Him and seek Him more. Well, maybe I should say He gives us good things that we have the option of choosing to find fulfillment from the blessing itself or the Provider. But when we choose fulfillment and happiness from the Provider, the blessing acts as amplification in that exchange. SO good.
I'm in a place of asking the Lord to help me handle blessings the right way. I'd say I'm a pro at being broken. I can take beating after beating and not run to the world's band-aids. But that's not really as noble and impressive as I just made it sound. It's actually pretty weak. I just know that God is the only one who can satisfy, so one could really just say I'm running to the only band-aid that works.
The place where are hearts are tested are the places where God blesses us. Sure, it's good to have run to God when you were hurting instead of alcohol, weed, sex, porn, whatever. But I'm finding (now that I'm experiencing it) that a deeper, truer test of the heart is happening right now as God is pouring out so much blessing on me that I don't have enough room for it (Malachi 3:10). His hand is outstretched, and there's a blessing in it. It's beautiful. It's exactly what I told Him I wanted, every detail, that one time when He asked me what I wanted in a blessing-- every single detail. Now I have a choice to look at it- ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!- or at His Face. As Stephen Pyle once told me, I am to pray: "I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on You." EVERY time we don't know what to do, we must fix our eyes on the Lord. That is ALWAYS the right thing to do.
People in the Bible are CONSTANTLY faced with this option (I didn't realize it happened so much until I read it from a place of brokenness), and I am a believer of the idea that if something is repeated in the word of God, it's pretty freaking important. So let's not take this lightly.
Here's the last verse of Psalm 144 that I found myself repeating over and over today:
v. 15 'Blessed are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!'
It feels like if I were David and I was to write a Psalm 144 I would have written: 'Tested are the people to whom such blessings fall!'
Luke 12:48 '... Everyone to whom much has been given, of him much will be required...'
Dangsies. Talk about responsibility.
1 comment:
Hey Blake...I'm not trying to sing your praises or anything because I know that everything you write on here comes directly from God and His Word spoken through you.
But I just thought I'd let you know that God really has used your blogs. Somehow, on several occasions, God's been telling me something through your blogs at very relevant points in my life. A lot of your posts have been just what I needed to hear at the time. So just know that even if no one else gets anything out of them (which I highly doubt), God has used you multiple times to help me through your blogs.
Keep posting what's on your heart! I'll keep reading!
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