I know it seems like I don't care at all. Reality is, I don't want to allow being a designer to negatively affect me. I don't care to impress and compete with you, allowing pride to become a presence in my life. I believe I have been given a creative mind from the Lord, but it would be disobedient to use that gifting selfishly or pridefully. I don't want to waste my life searching out my life as a designer. I want to waste my life searching out the face of God. I do believe being a good designer is pleasing to the Lord. I believe it pleases the Lord to be great- to do things well. Honestly, I'm living in a constant ebb and flow between designing well and restraining my mind from neglecting the Lord's provision in this area. My deepest desire in school right now is to live in that flowing heart that moves with the Lord and not against him. I know it will offend you (and already has) when I say I'm confident with where my designing has ended on a certain project. I guess what I'm saying in that place is that my heart is confident in the Lord. When He says I'm done, I'm done and I'm not going to stress myself out and so disobey Him. Anxiety is the opposite of prayer. The opposite of faith.
-Blake.
To everyone :
I'm not very supported by most of my family (primarily my extended family) in the realm of what I'm in school for, what my occupational 'ambitions' are, and how I'm looking at life in general. To them, I'm immature, rebellious, reckless, and a bit strange.
They think my hair is too long.
my clothes are too abnormal.
my earring is too offensive.
my political views are too liberal.
my spiritual life is too, well, spiritual.
my mannerisms are too feminine.
my ambitions are too dangerous.
my job as a musician is too inconsistent.
Basically, I'm not becoming a doctor, dentist, engineer, or electrician...
I might become a musician.
maybe a missionary.
maybe a designer.
maybe a record producer.
Maybe I'll be poor.
Maybe I won't.
I've been tempted (prior to a year and a half ago) to be 'normal' as defined by my critics. It'd be so easy. Wear normal things. Go to a normal, speaker-oriented church on Sunday mornings, get out of the Art School, stop playing so much music, and cut my hair. Sell my recording gear, focus on becoming financially stable, and throw away all the crazy charismatic, prophetic, healing, hearing-from-God books. Shut down the right side of my brain, basically.
Sometimes I can still be tempted to do that. But I believe that me keeping these things as parts of who make me who I am, holding onto the way God made me - keeping the right side of my brain active and alive, basically - is one of the central reasons God took me into the Desert.
"I'd be foolish to stop being so foolish to the people that tell me I'm foolish."
-Blake
No comments:
Post a Comment