Can We Still Be Friends?

I'm officially moving into Wordpress... at least for now.

Visit me at blakestuddardblog.com from now on. If things change, I'll let you know from there.

I may utilize this space for something in the near future, so don't completely forget about me here.

I'm Moving

I moved into a new house a couple weeks ago, and I'm going to move into a new website in the next few days. I'll keep you updated, with a link to the new site soon.

Honor

For those of you living in Norman and going to Norman Community Church, you might find this uninformative (as our pastor Ken Primrose conveyed this more eloquently and clearly than I will here).

But for those of you who do not fall into that category, and for myself (since writing on here does much more for me than the ones who read this), I want to share this idea of honor.

  - - - - - - -

DIS-honoring someone doesn't mean you have wronged them. It simply means you have not honored them. You've treated them as ordinary and not special.

Honor is the first of the ten commandments to have a reward attached to it : 'Honor your father and mother that your days will be long in the land the Lord has given you.'

The two greatest commandments ('Love the Lord your God and love one another as yourself') are narrowed even more in John 13:34-35 by saying, 'a new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.'

 - - - - - - - - - - - - 

so,

the week before I heard the teaching that gave me the above information, the Lord began revealing to me the people I haven't been honoring. There were those who had walked away from the Lord that I was frustrated with. There were those who I felt had wronged me or wronged others. There were those who were prideful and stubborn and undeserving of the authority they had been given.

And up until now I was under a political-spirit-inspired lie that some of these people were deserving of my 'righteous anger' or even that I was hearing from the Lord a frustration and disdain for their behavior. But I was so far from the true key, the true door to the next place the Lord wanted for me.

Last Monday, I sat in my room and surrendered my mind and my heart to the mind and heart of the Father for those people I had been struggling with. I wasn't ready for the result that hit me with such weight and intensity, feeling certain wires in my heart and mind being ripped out and replugged into new places. I literally felt as He grabbed parts of me I had been getting used to and yanked them out. I found myself crying out, "Father, give me your heart for _______ ! I want the compassion and love you have for these people I've hated for so long! I want to love the unlovely! Even the ones who have done evil to me, I want your grace to send me out so I can go and bless them!"

It's always the opposite of the flesh.

The church you've walked away from : bless them. honor them. regard them as special, as the Father does.

That scripture about heaping coals on people as you love them : forget about the way you were taught that, where it involves a revengeful heart. Honor comes from a pure, compassionate heart.

That person who is attacking you : love them in a real way. a tangible way. don't just bless them with your mouth, but ask the Holy Spirit to begin and actual transformation in your heart toward that person. that one who deserves your love the least.

I believe the way we love the least lovable person on our list determines the amount of intimacy, love, and blessing we receive from God.

My Heart Is Awake With Many Things

(deep breath)...

I'm laying on a hotel bed in Texas. This has become an incredibly familiar place - this place of unfamiliarity. In January, it was great - it seemed like every new thing was just so good. But February decided to become one of the hardest months of the past year and a half or so. Everything seemed to drag on, relationships began suffering from communication problems and distractions, life on the road felt less enjoyable and more like a job again, and even though the Lord was providing in extravagant ways, I felt every inch of distance in my intimacy with the Lord. Maybe at some times they were more like miles.

I don't want to sound down, though. Yes, it's been hard recently (for myself and some of my closest friends), but we cling to our hope. God promised us His nearness. He vowed, swore, and made a covenant with us that He would give us the Holy Spirit as a comforter - teacher. He said the truth is that He longs to be near to us and that the lie from Hell is 'distance.'

At times, I've made the blasphemous mistake of blaming the devouring work of the Enemy on the 'will of God.' I've said that distance has come from God to make me hungrier for Him. Because of my need for a logical explanation, I've 'sacrificed my faith on the altar of human reason.' (Bill Johnson, sermon : 'Enduring Faith')

No, I don't know why I've felt distanced from God. But it's not from God. I cling to the hope that God will come, soon. He will once again be, as He has been millions of times before, faithful to his sons and daughters.

But for the sake of us who still need a reason, I can speculate : Maybe 'this kind only comes out with prayer and fasting.' Maybe I need to increase the amount of the Lord I allow in my life to remove this blockage, this demonic political spirit (the one that causes dissension, pride in rank, and an atmosphere of merit).

But regardless of what the reason may be, I will not blame the devouring distance I've felt this month on the One who came to bring life to the full. Nor will I blame Him for any sickness, disease, poverty, or any other Hellish aspect of the kingdom of darkness.

Am I saying that God cannot control these things and that these have happened against His will, that He is weak? Halfway. It was not His will for any to perish, to be stricken with disease or destruction. But He is not weak. He allowed us the free will we asked for. He is the covenant keeper. And because of that we must daily choose Him to come and free us from the prisons we come under as we neglect a right relationship with HIm.

Normally I'd apologize for the run-on thoughts and the lack of references to 'sound doctrine' (oxymoron?), but I'm not sorry. If any of this helps you, then amen. If this pisses you off, amen. If this bores the crap out of you... I don't blame you. All I know is I've needed to write this for a while now, and now I've done it.

I love you, whoever you are.

Scene Change

I'm tracking a worship record with Phil.

We started it back in August 08, but took some significant time off while he got married. Just today we hashed out a few songs and made lists of things we need in each. A few days ago we got together and got a vision for the record, mostly coming to the conclusion that we just need to finish what we've started, and do it as well as we can.

So for a few hours we sat and cut up songs, listened for what each one was lacking, and took in what the project is becoming as a whole. This was encouraging and discouraging at the same time. While I'm completely energized to put myself into this record as an important thing that contains so much symbolism and significance in my life, I am also very aware at the things hindering me from making it great sonically. I've been spoiled by the gear from other studios that I've learned in, and I know how things 'could' sound. But as we were listening today we began discussing the logistics of processing it when we are done doing all that the two of us can, including taking it to two other studios in Norman for some enhancing and final mixing.

I say all this (that many of you are just bored of reading and confused altogether) to say I am seeing a new day coming very quickly (and is upon me now) where I'm stepping into the next stages of the things I've been doing.

I'm also moving out of my current house this weekend to live with Brett for less $ than I pay now...

Life is once again taking me to another place. While it's a tiny scene change, it's definitely new.

My Favorite Number Was 8

I am sitting in Medieval Art History class, an upper division class usually taken only by art history majors. I say that to explain the foolishness of me blogging at the moment. But something was just said that I think is important for me to hear...

Growing up, my favorite number was always 8. I liked it because you could sit in class and draw over it and over it and never pick up your pencil for as long as you want. Around high school, I began drawing 8's with two circles instead of a vertical infinity shape...

Just now we are talking about octagonal shapes churches in the Medieval period. 

We discussed how there are 8 notes in a musical scale, and how the 8th note always recreates a new scale, rebirthing the scale.

The Lord also created in 6 days, rested on the 7th, and so the 8th day was a day of the cycle occurring again.

I've been experiencing shifts in seasons my whole life, but the past year has marked a cyclical pattern where things are coming full circle over and over again.

My birthday is the last day of the year, 12.31. Every time I turn a new age, the year is being made new as well.

Maybe I'll start drawing my 8's the way I did when I was younger.

twentyfivethingsyoumaynotknowaboutme

1. I was a skateboarder throughout middle school, and since my mom wouldn't let me wear Jncos, I got her to buy me some Lee Pipes. I got her good...

2. I can stretch the skin on my face a few more inches away from my face than most people can. I figured this out when I was bored in 5th grade.

3. There is only one other musician in my extended family, and it's always relieving when he's around during family gatherings. Sometimes I feel pressure to explain how a creative person can be financially successful in the world today, while at the same time communicating my passivity toward monetary gain.

4. I recently learned that I am an INFP.... Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving, with 90-95% Feeling. When I read the profile of INFP's, I was amazed at how accurate it was.

5. I only have energy to do things I really care about. But my energy for those things is intense and many times makes me obsessive.

6. When I was 15 I formed a group of about 10 friends together and orchestrated an outlandish way of asking a girl to be my girlfriend. This included fireworks when we kissed, cameras, walkietalkies, carpet, music, and a disco ball in the park, candles in the middle of a Taco Bueno, a song and an after party. Flawless, except I didn't like the girl THAT much.

7. I had two hernias when I was an infant.

8. I've totaled 2 cars. The first time, I was turning left at an intersection and a car full of my friends drove by to my right, screaming at me while I crashed head on with the car coming the other way. The second time, two years later, I was driving home after an appointment to see if I had ADD.

9. I married two girls at the same time in preschool and had my first french kiss with a 9th grader when I was in 5th grade. She was babysitting me while I was on a family trip in Alaska.

10. I've never broken any bones.

11. When I was 14, my best friend Ira and I would steal his parents' cars at 2am and speed around Tulsa, usually visiting multiple girls' houses.

12. When I was 4 and my brother was 8, he threw a dart at me and it pierced the corner of my mouth.

13. When I was 3, I ate a tiny piece of poop that fell out of my diaper, thinking it was a raisin.

14. I love making art and I love the art school, but it hurts me to see so many people lose their identity, allowing themselves to be defined by what they make, wear, listen to, or write. While this usually makes a person better at their craft, it's NEVER the exchange.

15. The Lord has been reinventing the way I experience Him everyday for over a year and a half.

16. I'm intensely sentimental, causing me to love fiercely and lose things painfully.

17. I check my email and follow links to Facebook if something alerts me. I have 192 inbox messages I haven't taken the time to delete.

18. I do artistic things for both enjoyment and employment : guitar, drums, keys, live audio production, studio audio engineering, photography, screenprinting, and graphic design all feel equally natural to me but I feel like I only know about half of what I need to know about each.

19. I'm left handed when I throw, golf, kick, and hit, but I'm right handed when I play guitar and write.

20. I experience the Lord everyday through recurring numbers. I was confused when it first started happening, but now I embrace it.

21. I am (arguably) too open about my spiritual experiences on my blog, but having some people (many I don't even know) tell me that it has blessed them has kept me connected to that.

22. I only hear the instruments (and vocals as instruments) when I listen to a song for the first time. This pisses off my friend Brett who only hears the words being sung.

23. Intimacy is the most important part of my relationship with the Lord. Community is the most important part of my relationship to the world around me.

24. I was expelled from Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity for not paying. I think I should've been expelled for not caring.

25. I generally like really really sad or intimate songs.

Don't Let Your Serving Him Replace Your Knowing Him

Before Nick starts the piano intro for the song 'Missing You,' He almost always tells the same story:

"This next song comes from a few years ago when I was doing a lot of things for the Lord. I was leading worship weekly for about a thousand college students in Norman at the largest church, for the largest college ministry at that time. I was doing so many good things.

"Then one of my pastors came up to me and told me, 'NIck, don't ever let your serving God replace your knowing God.'

"I realized I had been doing things for the Lord, but that He didn't need me to. He didn't even want me to. He wanted to be close to me. To know me. I realized I'd been missing the most important thing in life. To know God."

Brett and I sat with Shane yesterday (our grandfather in the prophetic) and discussed this new year. We talked about all the healings, the prophetic words, the dreams; so many of these things have been happening in the last five or six weeks. One week, 24 people were healed. Multiple deaf ears popped open, a woman's breast cancer vanished, eczema faded before the eyes of onlookers, and backs were healed. People have been having dreams before things happen and others are being prayed over and encouraged with words that could only have come from the Lord.

But stop. Stop the harvest. I know it seems like a sweet momentum is here. It is, but stop. As soon as you feel yourself rolling in a great prophetic flow, stop. I don't mean stop it in the moment. I mean stop as soon as you can. Yes, the Lord loves momentum. Yes the Lord loves revival. But the only reason He loves it is because hearts are being brought closer to Him. If you feel yourself doing things more than you are being alone with the Alone, stop right there. God doesn't need your work. He wants your heart. This is always true. I'm not talking about a clock that marks the amount of time you're doing ministry versus the amount of time you are spending alone. I'm talking about your heart. You can feel it. Good indicators are fatigue, pride, laziness, a loss of passion, etc.

Then, finally, do the one thing God actually wants from you. BE with Him. Let Him physically hold you. Get out of the workzone and keep the Sabbath holy. Rest.

Just Sayin...

Brett and I are about to meet up with our prophetic grandfather. First time for us to schedule something like that officially. I'm pretty excited. I know pops is too. 'Stoked' was the word he used, though.

I sat down to spend time in the Presence earlier and the clock said 11:11. Luke 11 really charged up my time with the Lord today, speaking about the Lord's Prayer (specifically '... your kingdom come...') and 'the Father will give the Holy Spirit to those who ask.'

I stood up to go back to class and the clock read : 1:11.

Just now I got on facebook to upload an old video of Ira and I, and noticed that as of today, I have 1,111 'friends' on facebook.

11 is the number of the prophetic.

It all just hit me a few moments ago.

Just sayin.

Rebirth

I love the people the Lord has put in my life.

.. especially this year so far.

I've been on the road with Nick a lot. Definitely more than any other school month. And the next month is looking about the same.

Normally, this would cause me to lose touch with people in Norman, hibernating once again through another season. But this year is different. This month is different. This season is different.

The rules have changed. The atmosphere is not normal.

Just yesterday, Brett prophesied over me that this season is a season of an armor shift, where I'm stripped of the bulky gear of the past years and given new, slimline, more energy efficient equipment from the Lord. This word was powerfully accurate and gave words to the unexplainable change of years to 2009.

I sat in a group of four guys at house church yesterday and all of us had stories of encouragement that this new year/semester/season/month is incredibly significant, holding breakthrough after breakthrough in our own lives and those of the people in our communities of friends. All the breakthroughs for all of us could be explained as the Lord drawing us into more intimacy by redeeming, reconciling, healing, and rebirthing us in various ways.

I've shared with you about some of these things for me (victories in the lives of my close friends and the marriage of my prophetic father to name a couple), but along with these things has come a rebirth and igniting in the realm of relationships. I can almost tangibly feel myself being moved deeper into friendships with several people in my community, my new roommate (who I just met a month ago) is resonating with the heart of NormComm, I'm leading worship for a late night prayer meeting for our house church, Charlsey (a living, walking, breathing testimony of true intimacy with and redemption by Jesus) is allowing the Lord to mold her in beautiful ways, Madison's roommate is seeing and experiencing Jesus physically (and in many other ways) for the first time...    

much more.

I guess I'm saying all this to let you know you're invited to trust the goodness of God. Apparently, He's in the 'mood' to give His Holy Spirit to His children, redemption to the lost, the oil of gladness to the mourning, and deliverance to the afflicted. If I were you, I'd capitalize on that opportunity... Every moment I've been with Him I've received more than I had bargained for.

I'm definitely an INFP

The Idealist : The Dreamer : The Romantic : The Healer

Introverted : iNtuitive : Feeling : Perceiving

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

Spiritually Full

I just got home.

I need to get up in 7 hours.

Then I'll have to sit for 8 hours in a suburban, pulling a trailer.

All to go to the butt-crack of Texas.

But it's my job, and I love it.

It is late, though.

But this is the best feeling.

Tonight, I experienced you again.

It never gets old.

The spirit of prophecy fell over Ira and I on his kitchen floor.

It's always best when it's beyond our control.

Some things that came out of my mouth felt tingly.

I could feel them come out and touch him.

I know they were from You, though.

And so did he.

It's best when there's no other way to explain it.

You're so beyond what we think we know.

Numbers, twitches, words, themes...

Everything in this life is just affirmation.

Affirmation of your unfailing love.

Go sit with the Lord, the One who made you, and let it ruin you.

It's ruined me.

It ruined Ira.

It will ruin anyone who is willing.

Oh, my God, Thank You Lord.

9:11. Heat. Psalm 27. 11:11. Joel. 12:31. 1:22. Twitch. Father. Peace.

Did I mention this never gets old?

" Ira " - (My 100th Post)

I couldn't have planned this out better.

The thing about allowing the Lord to take His place as your God is that you'll just live the most messed up, crazy life. And you will be left each day feeling like you've actually lived.

The fact that this is the 100th post (that I've written, I'm pretty sure I've left a few offline that had problems) is incredible. The ebb and flow of the blessings and endurances of living in intimacy with the Lord have been exchanging back and forth in a mighty way these past few months, and the shift of the past two days have been timely to say the least.

      -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Ira : My brother (not biologically) and best friend since 6th grade.

Everyone who is close to me knows who Ira is. Even though we have been out of regular communication for the past few years, it is a mutual agreement that we are equally one of the most important people in each other's lives.

We met in 6th grade, at the depth of my valley of rebellion, defiance, and anger. I remember Ira spending the night all the time, and many times reminding me to take my Zoloft (anti-depressant) due to certain episodes I would get into (fighting with my mom, talking about cutting myself or huffing sprapaint, etc.). Don't get me wrong, we weren't the most angelic teenagers... we definitely treated girls as objects together, helping each other out with what girl to hook up with next (a couple times we exchanged girls we had personally taken advantage of). But God was gracious, and we ended up growing out of that phase into pretty good high school students that ultimately began dating girls seriously (we both dated girls for over 3 years, beginning our senior years of high school.

Ira is contagious. Not only is he attractive physically, but even more potent is his ability to magnetically attract people with his sincere and selfless love. It's not that he's smooth, although to the less discerning he seems to be. It's his ability to sense what people are feeling around him and know how to meet that feeling with edifying words or actions that make them feel like the most important thing in the world. Always full of joy and globally accepted as the one who deserves to be the center of attention, he can entertain any and everyone with his light, encouraging, and life-bringing presence.

We both graduated, and that was about the time some things went crazy for Ira. All out of his control and despite his goodness, the Enemy made it obvious with certain events that he wanted Ira dead. Maybe a little physically, with sickness and other physical ailments that come along with hard times, but most importantly (and most intense), there was a warrant from the kingdom of Hell to kill Ira spiritually.

I won't go into the details, but I will say that over the past 4 or 5 years Ira has endured, withstood, and experienced more warfare, deprivation, and external attacks on his identity, physical body, family life, and spiritual being than anyone I know. The lies of the Enemy oppressed Ira to points of condemnation that have isolated him, leaving him separated from spiritual food and community.

aside - when you are being separated from a community of love and intimacy with Jesus, you are being kidnapped by an Enemy who has no authority to do so.

-

as you could have guessed by my enthusiasm, Ira is doing well today.  A couple days ago, the Lord once again (as He has been doing intermittently in the form of big fresh breaths at widely separated times the past few years) brought Ira to a place of peace. There recently was a purging that occurred (as is the style of our jealous lover God), which has allowed for him to be alone with Jesus, discovering what it means to love and be loved by his creator.

-

At prayer tonight (Ira couldn't attend), the Lord spoke prophetically through everyone there about Ira. Some people described a man with a huge smile on his face that was full of energy, life and laughter. That is the Ira that the person having the vision does not yet know in the physical, but it is who the Lord sees when he looks at his Beloved.

-

Pray. I've seen the Lord redeem some key players in the Kingdom before, and let me just say that this is more than a key player we are contending for. This man has an anointing that is more potent than many people I've ever met, and that's not just my biased, love-drunk emotions talking. This is another step in an intense shift that will bring more of Heaven down to Earth, invading the lives of thousands and redeeming countless hearts to the Lord. It's intense.

-

Rejoice. God has already redeemed Ira. He did that years ago. But this is the dawning of a new day for Ira. Thank the Lord for spiritual rebirth and reinstating Ira to a higher level of rank in the authority of Jesus.

-

Allow this testimony to invade your life. Learn experientially the jealous, fiery love of the Father, the sweet, intense communion of the Holy Spirit, and the administrative power of Jesus.

Crested Butte

I got to go with some friends to Crested Butte, Colorado from January 2nd to the 7th. It was awesome.

The snow was perfect, the condo was beautiful, the food was some of the best I've ever had, and the people I went with became close friends immediately. Oh yeah, and Bill Murray stayed at the same condo, so we saw him a couple times...

Secret Place Day 3 - Back in Norman

It's apparent to me that in one sense the 'secret place' isn't very 'secret' when I keep talking about it... But I guess I'm just writing here about the things I feel some amount of energy to share.

Yesterday, on the way back to Norman, I listened to a Kris Vallatton sermon that really messed me up (in the good way). You should check into his stuff.

Today I woke up at 2:30 pm. Probably due to the things I've been opening myself up to recently, I kept going back to sleep and having more crazy dreams (more about dreams in the future). They were good crazy dreams, but I've been in some places of warfare recently that leaves no room for dumbing down the reality of who/what our battle is against.

A text from Phil woke me up the last time, asking me to help him with an errand. I hopped in the shower and texted him back, saying I was ready to leave as soon as he was. Then, after throwing some laundry in the washer and organizing some things in my room, I felt a clear call to be with the Lord.

I literally just stopped what I was doing and stood in the middle of my room for a few minutes, not expecting much, since it was so impromptu... 

At first I was my mind wanted to wander (as it almost always does), reminding me to call Phil to make sure he knew I was ready to run errands with him, to make sure I knew where my rent check was, etc.. but I just kept getting connected to His Spirit instead.

Then it came. Once again, without fail, the peace of God came that settled my mind and made me almost drunk. I leaned on my desk and just kept allowing the Holy Spirit to just be with me. Not tell me things or teach me anything. But just be with me and I with Him. Gosh, that's so good (I'm gonna re-enter that once I'm done typing).

I sat down and jotted a few lines in my journal, thanking the Father for His Spirit communing with me.

Then, as soon as I wrote, "I love you." in my journal, Phil texted me back saying he was on his way to my house. I mean it was instantaneous. Not a few seconds later, but as soon as I dotted the period, my phone alerted me.

-

I say this to you for two reasons: one, as an encouragement. The Holy Spirit wants to be with you. He doesn't need time cut out of your day, He works with the whole thing. While your mind is ignoring the cares of this world to be with Him, He provides everything you need... even the small things.

Two, I'm recording this on here as a public declaration of the provision and goodness of God, so that as the Enemy (who is already on his way) comes to discourage me or thwart my intentioned plans, I can stand under this testimony. When the devil comes, I will ignore him. I will speak my identity over myself, not to him. I don't have time to waste speaking to him. But I will have this testimony to worship the Lord for, and that will be a weapon that will cost the Enemy for coming against me.

Paraphrased from that Kris Vallotton sermon: 'Make it cost the devil for coming near you. When he comes, stand and worship the Lord. Even if your heart is beating out of your chest, worship the Lord. Then it will be costing the enemy to come near you, because you take it as a call to worship the Lord - which is what he wants to keep you from doing.'

Secret Place

I have so much energy to post this one, oh man. And this is gonna be long. Don't feel bad if you can't read it all, but know that you have to read it all to get it.

What I have to say about the secret place comes only from my experience right now. I'm about to read a book about it, but I feel like the past year and a half has given me all I've needed to know so far.

I cannot express to you how much I love the Secret Place. It is the one place I have found any knowledge, wisdom, insight, revelation, or information in general that always holds water. When I'm obtaining these from conversations or anything besides the Secret Place, I always have to sift through the words to find the ones from the Lord. I can trust everything I experience in the place where I've allowed the Holy Spirit to commune intimately and privately with me.

There are no gimmicks here - no shows being put on for people - no fear of man - no making up a prayer language to impress people. 

There is complete freedom here - so what if you are unsure about the whole 'speaking in tongues' thing? When you're alone with the Him, the Holy Spirit will teach you all you need to know about it.

It's such a sterile environment where if anything happens, it can't be from conjured up emotion. It's yours. All yours. And it's just like the Lover God to reveal Himself so powerfully in this place, because it's just like sex. You're locked away, alone with the only One you love, creating memories and moments that are only for the two of you.

Here's why I have so much energy to post this one: I just physically exited a time of intense intimacy with Him, and I was reminded of how much I love it - how it has been the central life source for me the past year and a half, and how I must consecrate it to the Lord every day in order to stay connected with the Head.

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Here's a story from the Secret Place today:

It starts with yesterday. Stephen, Jill and I went to Norman to go to cluster. The date was 1.11, a prophetic number in my book, so I was expecting at least something. We get to cluster, and the love of the Lord is just intense. We worship for about 45 minutes, allowing the Lord to impart His joy on all of us and interceding for those with illnesses or needs of joy. Ken, my pastor, shared a word about new wineskins, and how he is being called to experience the Lord in a a new way. He had always known the presence of God through tears, but now he was being called to know it through intense joy. Afterward we were asked to share any prophetic words, and my whole body started trembling with a feeling of responsibility to share. I gave a word about intimacy and prayed it over the group. Cool, but not profound.

The three of us started driving back to Tulsa, and we saw the full moon. We were driving straight toward it. We began talking about the prophetic, how the date was interesting, the full moon had to also be a type of sign, etc. It was just a really healthy talk.

After arriving in Tulsa, we went to a bar to watch a friend play a show.

Then I got home and turned on a podcast by Kris Vallaton. He said how it was interesting that in Genesis the Bible says the sun and moon were set for signs of seasons and night and day, and how in Acts it says people will see signs in the sky. Its also interesting that the Enemy has capitalized on this, creating the horoscopes and such, and if the Enemy only counterfeits what is truth, then us Christians should probably start allowing the Lord to take His sky back as a source of information conveying truth instead of leading people away. - interesting this sermon would come on after a talk in the car about the full moon.

Anyway, that's the night before.

Today, I sat in my closet, lit a few candles, and sat in the Presence for a while. I turned on my spirit ears and eyes and waited. Immediately, I received two phone calls. Normally I would see these as distractions, but in my spirit I recognized the voice of God in goofy places. The first was from Nick. The words he gave (unknowingly) from the Lord were, "Yeah, I just wanna party, like an end of the year kind of thing." For me, this meant an opening of a new year, filled with the joy of the Lord. And because the Holy Spirit was near, He reminded me of cluster last night, how it was about 'joy.'

Then, not two minutes later, Phil called for the first time in days. He just laughed knowingly when I told him I was being called into the Secret Place again and encouraged me.

I kept asking Holy Spirit to come, and then He had me open my Bible. It fell open to Job 26.

This is where it gets crazy.

I was attracted to how it talks about God helping people saving people and giving knowledge to people, so I started writing the chapter out. Then I got to verse 9. "He covers the face of the full moon, and stretches over it His cloud."

Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of the full moon last night and how clouds came and covered it, and I looked at the bottom and saw that in Hebrew, 'full moon' could mean 'his throne.'

and then He blew me away with reminding me of the name of the bar we were at after arriving in Tulsa... The Full Moon Cafe.

He then reminded me of the name of the beer I had. Newcastle. I thought of the New Wine and the New Wineskins we talked about at cluster. Castle reminds me of the place of His throne. 'A new place for the throne of God to dwell' was the phrase I ended up on, reassuring me of my need to get into my new wineskin : the Secret Place.

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Here's the deal. God speaks however He wants to. I don't understand it, and neither do you. And that's the way it needs to be. Once we start understanding our faith and what exactly is happening and how it's going to happen, we need to start worrying that we may be heading down the wrong path. Don't get me wrong. I believe God is knowable. In fact, that's the very central part of His heart - to know His people and for them to know Him. But He doesn't give a crap about whether or not you figure Him out. We do Him no favors by knowing ABOUT Him. We please Him only by communing with Him as faithful Lovers. Let's go find Him in the Secret Place. Trust me, it will blow your mind the way He has been constantly speaking to you. You need only to ask Him for the spirit of wisdom and revelation, and He'll begin decoding the fabric of your mundane life into pages and pages of His divine words, scribbled all around you.

Bless you and your time communing with the Triune God.

Thank You... (To My Spiritual Fathers)

Thanks Stephen. You're always telling me I'm anointed and even though we are often sacrilegious and sarcastic when we joke around (maybe sacrilege is actually a good thing... future post?), I always end up in a good place, closer to the Lord than when I was prior to hanging out with you. You don't have to build up to a place of reverence, you can switch to the spirit realm instantly when you feel the Holy Spirit urge you to. Thank you for being sensitive to the Spirit. From the moment I entered the desert, you were there, literally, and that has made me a more earnest lover of the Lord. I love you and I look up to the discipline you possess, running in the physical and spiritual without fatigue.

Thanks Brett. You have dug so deep in my soul during the talks we've had that it feels a lot like when Ramey does his heart surgery stuff, except it's every time we talk. You don't mess around, and I have been blessed by that. Your respect and awe of the Lord puts things into perspective for me, and your knowledge of the prophetic and inner healing always leaves me with a 'good heavy,' the weight of the truth of the Lord resting on me. Every time I'm in your presence, I'm blessed by the presence of the Lord. I couldn't ask for a spiritual brother with more integrity and faithfulness. 

Thanks Grant. You have spoken words over me that have altered the paths of my life, and without knowing it, they were words from the Lord, telling me to follow my heart and not my head. If it wasn't for your words, I would've been in school to be an electrician or a businessman, forsaking the gifts the Lord has given me. You've pushed me in the areas of my creativity, being an integral part of the force that made me a person of passion. Thank you for loving me selflessly and pouring advice and life lessons into me since I was only 15 years old.

Thanks Blake (Slatten). You're the one I've looked up to as a man of supernatural passion and conviction since my first weekend at OU. You've taught me how to run after the face of God, leaving everything behind and offending the minds of people. Your faith that fears no man and cannot be bought challenges the deepest parts of me to live extravagantly. Thank you for the times of prayer in our room with our faces buried in the carpet, overwhelmed by the reality of the supernatural realm. Thank you for getting that tattoo with me that proved to be more prophetic than we had bargained for...

Thanks Philip. You're my father, brother, guide, and role model. Everything I know about intimacy with Jesus and hearing the voice of God can be traced back to the roots you implanted in me about 3 years ago. My spiritual heritage wouldn't have been rich and experiential without you. You've taught me how to know the Lord and commune with the Spirit, not by words, but by power. You've pushed me musically more than anyone I've known. You've believed in my musical and spiritual anointing, causing me to experience the love of the Lord through both in a way I never could have dreamed of. I want to fall in love the way you did.

Thanks Nick. God blessed me with you as a boss, friend, and band mate. I have continually been inspired by your energy and work ethic, knowing your abilities and defying the voices of the Enemy that have told you that you can't accomplish the things God has put on your heart. I'm proud of what you've done and when the worship music we play stops playing, I will have learned vast amounts of what it means to have a career in music and ministry simultaneously.

Thanks Tim. I don't know why the Lord had you spend coffee meetings and conversations at the Refuge with me, but apparently He wanted to deposit in me an element of His heart that would change the way I saw the poor and addicted forever. I want to follow Jesus in the apostolic gifting the way you have, fearlessly and fully abandoned to the guidance of the Lord, forsaking wealth and fame for the Kingdom. Thank you for teaching me how to have a Kingdom mind.

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I love you all. I cannot believe the amount to which each of your spiritual lives has changed me. Thank you for speaking life over me time and time again. My prayer is that I would make each of you proud to be in the place of spiritual authority over me, that I would have respected your position and proven myself faithful to the calling you placed on me. Because of you, I've seen too much. I've been ruined, and I have no excuse for disobedience, laziness, or ignorance. The knowledge I received from you was of the Spirit, causing me to know the face of God... not a cheap form of inspiration that led me to a perceived accomplishment. Your words left me undone. Elevated in revelation, but broken as I gained perception of the reality of who God really is and what that means for me.

You are the most serious parts of my life and I love you.

On Loss... (Written For A Close Friend)

... not that I really have anything to say.

First off, I want to assure you wise people out there that you are right - I have nothing to say that will prove to be profound about the subject of loss. However, as is the root of this post and my whole life - the Lord, the Holy Spirit speaks, gives wisdom, comforts, and carries through. So anything you think you've obtained as 'wisdom' that you find useful or good, if it really is useful and good, came from Him. Not you. And anything from this post that is truly useful and good came also from the Holy Spirit who taught it to me. And let me assure you 'wise' people out there - He is the only one who could've taught this to me. 

Loss is something I'm very acquainted with. I would say I'm good at loss. Not because I've numbed myself to anything dear to me... I'm quite the opposite. I latch on and don't let go. I unhealthily hold onto the people and sentimental parts of my life with all I have. I love deeply and strongly. I give myself to anything and everything I love. Being good at loss, for me, means I've found the place worth running to. I know where to find healing. Even though I've whored after the portions apart from the Lord, He always takes me back. Being good at loss, for me, doesn't mean I'm noble. I'm quite the opposite.

About a year and a half ago, I lost the girl I was about to marry via a surprise breakup. It was an immediate loss, kind of like an accidental death, only this provided a different language of confusion and lies. But more importantly, this provided what every loss provides : an opportunity for the gaining of something more, better, dearer, of more worth. Something from the Lord.

I'm going to sound irreverent or insensitive in some respects when I tell you what I've learned. But I am confident that the Lord is energizing this word. His mercy and His grace are so offensive, especially in times when logic, effort, and gain is our defaulted defense mechanism. He tells us to boast in our weaknesses, rejoice in our sufferings, and recognize our strength amidst inability. He says the death of ourselves means life. And in a narcissistic culture, these are the most offensive things that can be said.

But I dare you, this time, this time that the Lord has once again favored you by tearing away the one thing you can't give him... I dare you to actually choose Him as your portion. Do it everyday, every moment. When you don't feel the good emotions from Him, prove yourself faithful to Him by saying, 'though He slay me, still I will trust Him.' Embrace brokenness, seeing it as an avenue of breakthrough rather than the Enemy's victory of breakdown. 

To the one I wrote this for that may never read this :

I love you. I know it hurts. But I pray you don't get it back. I pray that this time the Lord does you the biggest favor of your life and keeps it from you forever. It's the name of my whole blog : "rid me of myself, I belong to you." 

Lord, possess your bride. Holy Spirit cause this person to miss YOU. Not the thing they lost. May this person long only for intimacy with you. May they experience your love and your words of truth. May pain from you be the best feeling they've ever felt. And keep this avenue open, that they may know the plans you actually have for them - plans of hope. Good, perfect, pleasing plans. I speak life over this person and not death. Life over this person via death. Not death via death, but life via death. Come teach them your ways, the ways that require all that we have. Explain your jealousy and your fiery love to this person. 

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus, come.

22

A much more profound entry by the same title written by a close friend of mine can be viewed here.

I turned 22 yesterday, on 12.31.08.

It's always interesting having a new years eve birthday, especially as I am seeing myself become more and more mystical about changes in seasons and the mile markers of life.

2 Samuel 22 popped up around the 30th, revealing that an inner cry of mine over the 2008 year has actually been recorded as a song of praise by David. In his book 'Velvet Elvis,' Rob Bell says that the greatest truth of the Bible is not that it happened, but that it happens. I believe I grasp that concept in moments like the ones where I see my reality written out in a book created thousands of years ago. The more I allow my heart to touch the Lord's, aligning my heartbeat with His, the more I see my present reality in scripture. The more I allow my heart to listen to the lies and distracting phrases of the Enemy's demonic realm, the more I forget the relevance and power of scripture.

I was in Dallas from the 29th to the evening of the 31st. I spent the day of my birthday striking (tearing down) a set for a youth conference, driving to Norman to quickly drop off my gear and grab by snowboarding clothes, then finishing the drive to Tulsa to meet my family for my birthday dinner at Outback (I drove straight to the restaurant, ran inside, and the waiter was there with my family seated, asking me what I'd like to drink). The car was definitely my office for the day, making phone calls with friends and planning out what to do for new year's eve.

Brett, Stephen, Madison, Jill and I planned to meet over at Stephen's house to mooch off his parent's church party's snacks, champagne, and wine. Gotta love being in Tulsa sometimes.

Also gotta love spiritual family. Brett, Stephen, Madison, Jill and I all go to Norman Community church. Despite being from different clusters, the Lord has aligned our hearts together, resonating in a beautiful way.

We decided to intercede and worship for a while, asking the Holy Spirit to come and bring a spirit of remembrance, thankfulness and worship. It was beautiful. God allowed us to see 2008 from His eyes, with the spirit of prophecy touching down to reveal themes, provisions, and faithfulness that all came from Him. Then, without skipping a beat, He was faithful to bring in vision, hope, and revelation for the year to come in 2009. 

The rundown of 2008:

God preparing hearts through purging, refining, redeeming, etc.

God assembling the troops through divine appointments, holy organization, etc.

God equipping the leaders and warriors with the gifts of the Spirit.

The forecast of 2009:

God will allow us to harvest more fruit via an increase in healing, rebirth, and renewed relationships.

God will continue to impart gifts to people as He draws his Bride closer to Himself.

We will learn to walk with God in His blessings as He teaches and leads us by the Holy Spirit.

We will be going on the offense, taking more ground in the Kingdom exponentially.

After that, we went around to each person in the room, asking for visions, pictures, words of wisdom, etc. that would be a covering for each individual in the coming year. Without giving out the intimate details of these friends of mine, I will just say that God proved Himself faithful over and over with accurate prophetic words and an atmosphere of tangible love that left all of us craving more. We had to take a break and went downstairs for the midnight countdown, but something felt incredibly right and good about giving the new year's eve of 2008 to the Lord.

To the religious, it would seem that our initial new year's plans of running around downtown bars and venues were ruined by an obligatory, drawn out seance of sorts that made us feel better about ourselves. But for us, we were blessed by the presence of God. You see, you can't conjure up the presence. He gives it to us... we don't take it from Him. Sure, He'll always give Himself when He is asked. But beware of the religious spirit that thinks the Kingdom exists in words and methods and achievement, while being sensitive and welcoming to the Holy Spirit who desires to commune with the willing in purity and truth just as any lover does.