Tulsa

After two months of not even seeing it, and about 3 months of actually spending more than 24 hours here, I'm sitting in my old room in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It's kinda cold. My parents have put blankets over my mixing console to protect it from dust. Things are right where I left them in December when I was here for a couple weeks over the Winter break. The goofy glasses me, Blair, and Crystal wore one awesome weekend last Spring Break are still sitting on the desk beside me. hmm... weird.

This place is kind of like home, but in a more cloudy way than before. I've been out of the house for 3 years, but due to recent events, I've spent less and less time here in this spot. It all feels familiar, but it's becoming a historic place. Weird.

Joe Thomas, my roommate in Norman, sometimes reflects on life like this. I guess it's natural for me to right now because I spent the last couple evenings around him, and it doesn't take long to get in 'Joe mode' around him. Yeah, he's one of THOSE people that are loud and speak out every thought going through their heads. But you love just the crap out of them.

Sometimes he says, "It's weird to think I'm saying the same things that everyone older than me has said in my situation. It's just part of life for us- we graduate, go out of the house, take on responsibilities, and every step feels weird, and we talk about it. Think of everyone who has said this exact thing before us for generations."

Trippy, huh? I think so. Growing up is different for everyone, but it happens to everyone, and each step has these internal thoughts that go with them that we all have, and they're all the same in nature.

Well, I had NO plan of talking about that just now, but I guess it doesn't really matter.

Here's what's been on my heart prior to this moment:

I love how God is so intimately involved in our lives that we have to look at 'what the crap just happened' to see it. I don't know if I'll ever get used to the fullness of His Presence. It will always blow me away.

Story time:

I was laying on my couch in Norman, resting after an intense buffet experience with Bo Walbrick (another roommate) at Mazzio's. I had my journal out, and was talking with Bo about how God had been speaking to us. For me, I felt desperate for the Presence because I felt like I'd become lost in the sudden change of rhythm during the first few days of my break from the road. Bo was talking to me about his decision to go to Waco (which was one I've been talking with God about too) and how God had put things on his heart in some cool ways.

For some reason I felt heavy, so I journaled a prayer telling God I was waiting for Him alone. He is my rock and my refuge, my portion. I word for word journaled those things a few times (repetition helps my ADD-ness and my need for meditation), then felt God telling me to look up a text I got from Madison the night before. The text included a reference to Psalm 62 so I looked it up:

The heading was 'My soul waits for God alone.' Wow. Exactly what I wrote two seconds prior. Then, reading into the Psalm, it said, 'My rock' and 'My refuge' as well.

Lord, you're good. You know exactly what you're doing. Thank you for putting up with my tendencies to doubt your eternal Presence. I love you.