1117 and 1147

The Lord reminds me every time I see these numbers to pray, because Mark 11:17 says, "... my house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations..." 

And 1147 (24-7, 11 being roman numeral): Jeremiah 24:7 "I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart." Check out the movement of 24-7 prayer (specifically the boiler rooms) and the International House of Prayer (IHOP)

Here's the model of Norman Community Church: "UP, IN, and OUT"

UP: PRAYER. Our personal interactive relationship to the Lord. He is jealous for all of our individual hearts, and we must be constantly submitting complete selves to Him.

IN: HOUSE. Our relationships with other believers- the church. We must be one body as a community, seeking the Lord with a flowing heart that is being purged of evil that may exist.

OUT: NATIONS. Our relationships with 'people of peace', or non-believers that have welcomed us into their lives. Also the names of people whose names are written on Heaven's wailing wall, as ones we are to be contending for as intercessors for the Kingdom.

There have been a few times (such as when a few of my close friends are together) where I will see this number and turn and call us to a time to pray and sit before the Lord, asking for Him to do His work in us. This happened a couple weeks ago, and when we sat in my room together doing this, God came and did just that- He actively gave us more of His heart and rid us more of ourselves.

If you feel the Lord calling you at a specific time to sit with Him and listen for His Heart, do it. He will always be faithful to us. If there is ever a problem in our relationship to the Lord, it's always on our end. Maybe our minds are too narrow to accept what is happening in our lives, maybe we are just not being patient with Him, maybe we have spent so much time away from the Lord that we've forgotten His Touch, His Voice, His Presence.

So even if it feels weird or empty, sit. Don't even conjure up words. Just BE with Him. That's the thing He's after, remember? He's Jealous for our hearts, not our actions, our rituals, our religion. God hates religion. He can't be shrunk down to our Sunday mornings, our early morning 'quiet times', our terms. You want to know God? Be ready to be ruined. Your plans will disappear. Your words will cease to exist. Your mind will be lost. You will have LOST YOUR MIND following Jesus. And that's exactly why it works. Because we don't. We can't be good. We can't do the right thing. The only time I do good is when the Person of Jesus reaches out from inside me and touches people who need Him. When He reaches through my arm and picks up my Bible for me to read. THAT is emptiness. THAT is what I need. I will say it every day of my life, Lord. RID ME OF MYSELF. I BELONG TO YOU.

Cause I Should Be Working...

I got finished with my assignment for the morning early, so what better to do? exactly.

Here's the rundown of last weekend's shows:

Thursday: Vault Video Stillwater with Mayola

Phil and I rode together and talked about how Jesus interacted in 3 ways with people: He moved toward people, away from people, and against people. And given the fact that we must be like Jesus, we should do the same thing with people at the appropriate times. There's the summary. We got to Stillwater and my parents were there: it meant a lot to me for my dad to be there- he hasn't seen me play since I was in euromart in high school. I have no clue how we packed Matt's Honda Element with all our gear (we don't skimp on using big gear), but seeing as how he does that regularly for the Flaming Lips, I guess it's to be expected. Good job, Matt, as usual. The show went well, I got to meet some awesome OSU peeps (a few of which actually followed us back to Norman for a couple of the other shows for the weekend). Mayola blew me away with their energy and overall tightness. I feel like they propelled our energy for the next three shows.

Friday: Island Party (BYX) on OU campus' Walker/Adams Mall with Skillet

(photos coming...)

This show was cool because it was in the middle of the dorms I lived in 2 years ago. We got up (I woke up at 2:30 pm because we didn't get back until 3:30 am from Stillwater), ran to soundcheck (supposedly at 3:30 pm- ended up being 5:00 pm), played our set at 6, grabbed a hotdog (sounded good at the time), pounded two more redbulls, packed the Element again (started to get old after the third time), and sped off to The Conservatory in OKC to meet up with the Chainsaw Kittens. 

Friday again: Opening for Chainsaw Kittens at the Conservatory in OKC

We got there in time to watch them sound checking (it was the best I've ever heard the Conservatory sound), and it was cool because you could tell these guys had been around a long time (the Kittens formed in 1989- I was 3 years old) and had toured with some big bands (such as the Smashing Pumpkins). Tyson, the lead singer of the Kittens, flew in from Shanghai to do the reunion show at the Norman Music Festival (this show at the Conservatory was a 'secret' show so the press wouldn't get mad that the Festival wasn't the actual first show in 8 years of not playing together).

So we went on at 11:20 pm to open for Chainsaw Kittens, and somehow, maybe with a little help from coffee, redbull and beer (we each have our weapon of choice), we ended up playing the best Neighborhood show ever- at least that was the our consensus as a band. We heard feedback from people that lined up with our confidence, that over the three shows we'd played so far we had become tighter and tighter while increasing in our energy and rockshow-chaoticness. It was timely that it happened to be the night we played with the Chainsaw Kittens. As we played a new song called 'What? Hey!', a heavy, almost White Stripes-ey sounding song, I have a break where I go to my amp and use the feedback as an effect. As I was doing this, I looked down on the ground and a penny was perfectly situated on the ground- sometimes, at very intense, special moments, the Lord will somehow have a penny placed on the ground or somewhere so I can see it at a perfect time... this, needless to say, was one of those perfect times. I forgot to pick it up as we set-changed (we have to throw our gear off the stage so fast- it's one of the most intense feelings to pack up everything you own in a couple minutes without breaking or losing track of at least one or two things), but sure enough, at the very end of the night, it was still sitting there on the stage. So I grabbed it. I got to drive home alone (bassist got a ride with the girlfriend), and it was perfect. Finally I had a moment to thank the Lord for such a perfect series of shows, and I felt His hand heavy on me.

Saturday: Norman Music Festival, Downtown Main Street with the Chainsaw Kittens and  Polyphonic Spree

(photos coming...)

Okay, this is the nuts-est of the 4 shows we did those three days. I'm gonna leave a ton of crap out, but hopefully you'll get the point from the few things I will say.

Again, I got home around 3:30 am from OKC, walking on clouds, and I woke up Saturday at 11:30 am, more sore than I was back in 9th grade two-a-days for High School football (yeah, I really did play). I heard we were supposed to set up around 1:45 (our slot was from 2pm to 3pm), so I picked up Phil and ran down to Main street. I almost crapped my pants when I saw the size of the stage- I thought Norman was gonna fail- but they legitimately set up a really awesome stage and shut down a huge chunk of downtown for the festival- thousands of people ended up showing. Even though they ignored our stageplot and had us set up with Matt in the back instead of to the side- which feels super-weird because we NEVER set up that way.... well, maybe that pissed us off a little and gave us some adrenaline to help us pull through our soreness.. yeah that probably actually helped. Anyway, we played with an even larger amount of intensity for this set, and it felt great to me, because there were all these people that started flocking out of store-fronts and side streets and crammed up to the front- I even saw a few people dancing on the rooftops of the lofts on Main Street. My view there was the best of all these shows- the day was PERFECT, and despite my awesome deep-v-neck/ trucker sunburn, it was the most enjoyable weather I'd experienced all Spring.

These next details are short to save you from thinking I'm a toolbag that just wants to talk about how awesome I am:

Tyson (Chainsaw Kittens lead singer) sat on the couch with us for our press photos and told reporters he wanted to go on the record as saying, "The Neigborhood is my favorite band in the whole world." Then he wore a Neighborhood shirt as he performed in front of all the people and plugged us about 5 different times.

Okay, that's the short version. believe it or not.

Love you, glad I got this out of my system.

blake.

Check Out My Sister......'s Blog.

here.

This Weekend Will Be Nuts

Not that you care, and just to have a Xanga moment for myself real quick:

I'm especially excited for tonight/this weekend. Aside from the looming finals weeks coming up very quickly, this will probably be the best weekend ever as far as music goes. And the Lord is so good, too. He knows I'll be leaving in 17ish days for Mozambique (got our itineraries yesterday, yay!) and jumping off the plane and into a van for St. Louis/Gulf Shores/San Antonio with Nick Thurmond for 8 weeks on the 31st of May, so this is the time I need to 'make the most of' or 'go out with a bang' as far as playing with the Neighborhood goes. He decided to allow me to worship Him in this form (playing rock shows), with a very indulgent use of the gifts He's given me in 4 shows in 3 days. Then another lil guy slapped on the next Friday... ('lil guy' meaning 'show')

So tonight's the kickoff, and it's great because each one will basically act as a practice for the next one, meaning less work and more play, I guess... which is exciting.

well.... Stillwater it is for tonight. I hope I get to see my ol' boyz. (from Metro Christian in Tulsa)

The Neighborhood This Weekend

Big bang of shows from The Neighborhood this weekend around Norman, OKC, and Stillwater... come out to a few if you can!

There's another one on Friday May 2 at the Opolis in Norman with Mayola.

33

Exodus 33... So good. The theme chapter for every decision of my life. Here's the main idea: God's giving Moses this land that has been promised, but Moses refuses to move a muscle unless God's Presence goes with them. And even more than that, Moses wants the Lord's Glory to be shown.

This has so much in it and could be talked about for a long time, but here's where I'm at: The past three days God has highlighted this chapter in a big way- and I'm not talking about it's 'been on my heart'... though it has. It has been slapping me in the face everywhere I go. Saturday I hear it and Isaiah 61 repeated in prayer, Sunday I watch a sermon podcast and it's completely about Exodus 33 and Isaiah 61, Sunday night I choose a RANDOM (as in out of over 600) podcast to fall asleep to, and it's about Exodus 33 and Isaiah 61... Both of these have been huge themes in these past 6-7 months, but obviously they're being brought up right now. Sunday night I 'just so happen' to look at my odometer at mile 33 and tonight at the Loft Madison and I start talking about God's Goodness and I'm in the middle of answering question 33 on my homework, and before I can freak out about how that's weird, she points out that it's 11:33pm... THEN I have an extremely life-giving talk with one of my best friends Stephen, and we end right at 1:11 (a recurring number) and when I go to text him about that weirdness, my inbox number says '33'. This is literally 30 minutes after talking with Blake Slatten about the 'odds' of these things happening, and how it can't be a coincidence. Go ahead and either think I'm crazy or be encouraged... but trust me (or don't, I don't really care), I am not looking for these things.

With that said, and regardless of whether I'm just nuts or not, this theme of being offered 'land' in our lives and choosing to wait on the Lord to go with us into it instead of jumping into these self-seeking opportunities is just huge. With the Waco decision (see posts 'waco' and 'locking doors or the thief comes to steal') and countless other ones in my life, this theme is the model I'm using, and it's proven itself to be from the Lord. If we earnestly seek HIM, He will reward us (Heb. 11:6). If we call Him our portion, and show ourselves faithful only to Him as our first love, and not the things God gives us, He will reward us. And when He rewards us, the circle comes around again- are we going to enjoy the blessing, or the One who blessed us? What are our motives? Do we want comfort, or intimacy with Him?

"Your heart is the one thing I want more than life or peace or comfort or riches or prestige or recognition; Your heart is all that I want." -Zach Payne, 'RUN'

What if being with Him right after someone leaves us doesn't mean peace? What if going out and getting drunk and having sex with someone new does? What if the peace from the latter lasts for a lifetime and the lack of peace from the former lasts for a lifetime? What will we choose? Do you really love the Lord? How hungry are you for intimacy with Him? More hungry for that than for the gifts He gives you?

I'm asking myself these questions every day. And He's faithful to give me just what I need, right when I need it. Luke 12- We don't have to worry about anything, He'll give us whatever we need. Let's just keep our eyes on His Face.

420

Let's get high.

I've been occasionally experiencing some levels of drunkenness and ecstasy from the Lord and it's awesome. About 4 months ago I watched a video podcast of a guy talking about a level of prayer that brought about ecstasy, a physical manifestation of the Presence of God. He was mumbling and moping around a lot, because apparently the worship got pretty intense before he went on to speak. His first words were: "You really shouldn't play such spiritual worship right before having me come speak at your church. I become like this, a drunken mess."

I've attended a handful of prayer meetings where people needed rides afterward because they were too drunk. I've had to have someone give me a ride because I was too drunk. People I know have been pulled over after certain prayer meetings because they were driving drunk. On the Spirit.

It's really funny to me how this strikes such bad chords in church people. Not that I'm not part of what is called 'church people,' but it generally hits Christians as something that is odd. To me, and to this speaker I watched, it makes perfect sense. The Enemy makes counterfeits, right? Everything we run to apart from the Father to apart fill us and make us feel a certain way is a counterfeit, right? When we go to alcohol and weed to escape the feelings of the world we live in, it's the 'wrong' choice between those things and the Lord, right? Well why can't God fulfill our need for ecstasy? Why can't God have the best alcohol, weed, and x out of all the drug dealers in the world? Do you believe he can heal? He's substituting the drugs the patient would need for His Glory to come and meet that need.

So I believe that all drugs and drunkenness on alcohol are counterfeits of what God has really intended for us to enjoy in Him. I believe He can and will supply us with a touch from His Glory that will have us wondering why we ever tried anything else. And I don't believe that because I think He's got some sweet long white dreads and a rasta-halo above His head. I believe it because when you mix the Spirit realm with our physical realm we are so used to, weird things happen. And if it's not weird, then it's probably not happening. Don't hold me to that.

So 420: As I've mentioned briefly before, but not in depth at all yet, God does this thing with me and numbers- He has me recognize that I'm seeing a recurring number, and usually He lets that happen for a while and then He shows me what it means: almost ALWAYS a verse in the Bible. And I had no clue that today (yesterday, I'm still up) was 4.20 until my roommate told me later. So 420 is on my license plate, and I've seen it a lot (on clocks when I'm praying or having a deep conversation, on signs and billboards when I'm thinking about the Lord, other really random and timely locations and times), so I've been recognizing that it is probably from the Lord (since I don't believe in coincidence) for many months now. And then today, during a video sermon thing I was watching, a woman read 1 Corinthians 4:20. It just stuck out for some reason, and I had a little 'a ha' moment right before she said the verse: "For the Kingdom of God is not in word but in power." Wow, great verse, Lord.

Each of these verses that God has highlighted in these past 7 or so months are extremely personal. This one hits home in a big way because I've always been frustrated with the 'talk of Christianity.' It upset me that since I couldn't use big words and formulate beautiful arguments and semantics to back up my theological stances and beliefs against what is usually my Brother in Christ, tearing down the walls of the church in front of an already numb harvest (can you tell I've been upset about this before?).... Okay, sorry. Anyway, I was really turned off by the overly-conservative, legalistic Christian that has put God in such a small box by choosing to believe He only does a certain amount of... sorry again. NOT IN WORDS BUT IN POWER. No person's words are going to get someone to a relationship with the Lord. Yes, God gives us words (Bible, for example), but they do NOTHING on their own. The significance is the POWER. There is Power in the name of Jesus. THAT is why people get laid out on their face in worship, healed of all kinds of sickness, and raised from the dead (yes, that still happens). Not because someone had such a great sermon with such a well-formulated argument. Because God's Glory has Power. We are not to further His Kingdom with words. But with Power. 

If you're not intellectual, but you're more emotional- if you're not a huge studier, but rather a feeler, experiencer, and meditator... good news. The Kingdom does not exist in words. It's in power. So charge up- pray in the Spirit, interact with the Lord. Spend time walking with Him, telling Him He's your Portion. Read books upon books and gain knowledge that He wants for you. Then go out in Love- 1 Corinthians 13 is not the chapter you use to accuse your spouse or girlfriend of what they're doing wrong. Read verses 1-3. Its to convict you of not using your gifts to further the Kingdom with Love. I'm not impressed that you're prophetic. I'm overwhelmed by the Power of God when you release a Word from Him in Love.

I'm done. 

Parallel Universe

No, I have no clue what that really means.

But I did have a talk with Lou about it this morning in OKC. And even though I only received a stomach ache from such an outpouring of knowledge in one sitting, the Lord spoke many valuable things into me.

I've been spending every saturday but a couple since October or November of 2007 at the City Rescue Mission and the Refuge in OKC. Today I found myself listening (which is, besides renovating the Refuge building, praying and worshiping, the thing I do most here) to a homeless man named Leo for a good 45 minutes or an hour. I sat down next to him in the dining room (more like a dining hall, but I don't like calling it that) and the first thing out of his mouth was, "You know anything about Einstein's law of Relativity?" or something like that. I have no clue about what I learned in High School science class, so I said 'no' and Toothless Jerod to my left started laughing at me. Jerod and I have had a few good convos, and he's one of my many 'body guards' up at the Mission (I'm a little guy, so I always ask the bigger guys I meet there to be my body guards in the rough part of town that it is). 

Anyway, Leo starts talking about some crazy stuff- and I usually expect them to make up stories (one lady thought she was the original 'Annie' from back in the day, and so on), but this guy was legitimately present-minded and ridiculously smart. Now, I have a few friends that intrigue me with their philosophy and science ramblings, but this guy was quickly blowing my mind with his ideas and knowledge.

Two very significant things were said, though, that had nothing to do with his knowledge at all. It had to do with the Present Risenness, the Presence and Voice of God.

1. He stopped in the middle of a broad philosophical/scientific proposal of the Existence and Reality of God to ask me if I knew a certain verse: Malachi 3:10 which says, 'Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need.' I quoted it perfectly (and I don't know many verses that way) because it had been prophesied over me almost three years ago, and within the past 6 months had showed up over and over. He acknowledged that it was a cool verse, and then jumped back into his spiel about black holes, a parallel universe, some dome thing made of triangles, etc. etc. (no joke). Malachi 3:10 is the verse I repeated over and over and over under my breath for about 45 minutes during worship last Sunday at Cluster.

2. He went another 10 minutes or so and then randomly started talking about a relative of his that just went through open heart surgery- look below... hmmm.. and talked about how the Lord did something in him at a young age that prepared him for where he has found himself today- the picture below is of a child's heart surgery, and when put into context about God shaping us and that being the surgery, it's hard to deny that the similarities are a bit impressive.

So, call it a 'parallel universe' or 'theory of relativity' or whatever- I know nothing about either of those- it doesn't matter what you want to call it. It's the Lord. These things don't just happen. Things like these, and * (see below) don't just happen because of a coincidence. They happen too often with too many odds against them to be a coincidence. And I'm not trying to convince you of God's Voice or His Existence; I'm just walking you through a tiny glimpse of the life I've found myself in- a life the Lord has chosen for me. It's what happens when I am broken and am living in Intimacy with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It's pretty Jacked up, but I love it and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

*Look at what I posted below (Friday, 4.18.08 at 4:51 pm) and then click on Madison Kerner's link on the right and read what she wrote, and then look at what time she posted. We had no clue we did that until that evening when she noticed it.

** I've filled two journals with this kind of stuff. If you want more stories of this kind of craziness, just let me know... I'd be happy to share it with you, because it's not mine for me to keep in.

You're All I Need

I don't need anything else.

I don't need:

money

reasons for 'why things are the way they are'

recognition for what I'm doing or abstaining from

a girl to edify me and tell me what I am or am not

a direction to walk in or a highlighted theme or destination

comfort

peace

bliss

friends that provide support and encouragement

entertainment from food, movies, parties, 'hangouts'

success in what I love

a family that loves me

enough money to survive

a plan that is promising and stable

mentors that give me advice

prophetic words that heal

dreams that come true and solidify my faith in You

doctrine that is sound and persuasive

meaning for my situations

clothes that express my personality

clothes that keep me warm

music that soothes, empowers, and carries me

cigarettes that make me feel calm

alcohol that makes me forget what scares me

...even your Word

I do need:

You

And I do need you. Just you. "I need you just like the air I breathe; just like the freight train needs the tracks beneath (see Desert post)." When I am far from you, I feel like using one or many of the above things to pacify me and make me feel whole when I really am not. If I have your word hidden in my heart, but don't have You to channel and move me where you want to, I have nothing of value at all. It's like you're a Father with many children, and we're all out in your front yard. I keep picking up toys and running to you, asking if I can play with 'this one.' "Daddy, Can I move here? enjoy this person? drink this? practice this? just plain enjoy this?" And you keep saying, "Yes, you can. If you start getting too close to a snake, or start to cross into the dangerous street, I'll call you back."

And then it's like you are having me pick up specific toys... And I have these goggles on that see these highlighted toys, and I start walking obediently toward those specific things at specific times. But recently, you've been having me walk toward those highlighted things, and then as I'm about to be comfortable enough to pick it up and spend time with that toy, you shut off the highlighter and highlight something else. So obediently I walk toward the next thing. Then, sometimes you shut it all off and for a moment I have no direction. So then I go back to your feet.

Why don't I just stay at your feet and allow you to move me? Why do I keep taking ownership of what you're doing and start moving my unable legs? Why do I feel like I have some 'responsibility' to 'do the right thing' instead of just letting you do the right thing through me?

Jack me up. Rip me apart. Strip me clean. Fill me up. Pour me out.

'Jack me up' : crash me into the very brick walls I've set up.

'Rip me apart' : don't even numb me; cut open my chest for heart surgery.

'Strip me clean' : completely rid me of myself and my things.

'Fill me up' : rush your things into me; I receive your heart.

'Pour me out' : until I'm empty of what you've put in, pour your things onto everyone around me.

PAIN FROM YOU IS BETTER THAN PLEASURE FROM ANYONE ELSE. I KNOW THAT RECEIVING YOUR HEART MEANS PAIN FOR ME, AND I WANT THAT. CUT UP MY HEART AND MAKE IT BLEEDING, BRUISED AND CRYING FOR THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOUR HEART HURT. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T NUMB ME UP FIRST. I WANT TO FEEL IT ALL, JUST LIKE YOU HAVE. THEN, FROM THAT PLACE, ALLOW ME TO POUR OUT THE TRUE COMPASSION, TRUE IDENTIFICATION ON PEOPLE THAT NEED YOU.

i love you.

-Blake

(photo from a child's open heart surgery in Sudan. from flickr)

The Lake

I don't know about you, but I 'have' a few places I love to go and be alone with the Lord. My favorite place this year is a lake in the middle of my neighborhood. God has spoken to me more consistently and clearly while walking around that 10 acre little lake/ big pond than any other geographical location. It's surrounded by the backyards of a bunch of the houses in my neighborhood, with a two-person sidewalk around the body of water. There are two areas that are covered with woods, a few wooden bridges, a couple benches, a picnic table, and two dock-type walks perfectly distributed around it. There are a few families of ducks and geese that are always around, turtles that jump off little branches when you walk by them, and it's a good 10 minutes away from the OU campus, so the stars are just a little bit brighter out here.

I wish I could count the times I've walked around this thing (I've worn out the soles of what were brand new shoes 7 months ago). I wish I could tell you all of the amazing things God has done to me while hanging out around this lake. I've literally seen trees clap their hands in worship of their Creator on command. I've seen people break down and watched as chains fell off captives. I've been praying for people and they've called me two seconds after I'm done (this happens quite a bit). 

As I've said before, the 9th of every month has had quite a bit of significance- on November 9th I walked out there into the foggiest Friday I'd ever seen. I could barely see 10 feet in front of me. I felt the Lord say, "You have to choose this. Choose the fog. Even when you can see for miles, choose to see only this much. I want to be Present with you into this millisecond all the time, every day." Later that day, it was the warmest day of November, with a beautiful blue sky and a clarity to the colors and visibility that was unavoidable. 

The next '9th', of December, An ice storm hit that Norman, Tulsa, etc. hadn't seen in over a decade. Trees fell and destroyed cars and houses, blocked off countless roads, and covered everything, making the world look like some kind of 'Day After Tomorrow' still shot. I went walking around my lake that morning, asking God for something new to go with this timely storm. He and I started around the sidewalk that follows the lake, and for 'some reason,' I looked to my right that morning at this perfect spot, and saw a clearing. I thought, "Holy Crap (I say that a lot), I've walked this trail countless times, and I've never seen this clearing." This clearing turned into a brand new trail I'd never noticed, which led to a beautiful, flowing river/creek thing that was rushing with melted ice. The trees were coated and frozen, but this river was rushing and loud. It was as if the Lord was screaming, "I will lead you by still waters to rest your soul. And even though the river may take you under, you can rest because I know exactly what I'm doing. I waited to let your eyes see this trail until this perfect time. Trust my perfect timing."

Well, that's the lake. Here are other special places I've come to love during the past 7 months (not in order):

My room (turned Prayer Room)

My closet (a 2' by 3' claustrophobic's nightmare)

My car

Lake Thunderbird (where random people's underwear and beer cans decorate the scenery)

Blake Slatten's hot tub

'The Loft' (On Sunday nights when the Mozambique Team is there alone in the dark)

The Refuge (crackhouse turned houseofprayer in OKC)

'the upper room' in the Refuge (random loft above a bathroom in the Refuge)

California Street in OKC (drugs, homeless, gangs: where Jesus loves to hang)

The prayer room at the D-house

Sidewalks all over Norman

Fireplace in my House

On the rocky, muddy field by my Gramps' barn in Arkansas

-to name a few. Maybe I'll post a story per location on another post or something.

Brokenness Brings Us Together

I tracked vocals for my friend/musical influence Ben Kilgore (The Hero Factor) today for a project he's doing called Forgotten People to raise money for an island next to Haiti.

He's with a church that is raising $250,000 to dig wells on the island- it's a follow up to the past few years and after this I think the whole island will have fresh water- apparently it's the poorest place in our hemisphere or something.

During a break, we stood outside for a while and talked about 'where we're at.' I love these talks with people. Well, I've generally loved them recently, because through my brokenness and tenderness to the Lord, great things get talked about. I remember when I was running away from what He wanted I would hate these talks. But today it was perfect timing for both of us. We have both been experiencing some serious death and stripping (winter) being followed by incredible growth and life (spring). But the constant is always brokenness. We must have a broken and contrite heart- that's where our tenderness to the Lord comes from that will be the vehicle that enables us to hear Him. When we go to anything else we can expect to be disappointed and dissatisfied.

Open hands seems to be a big theme for Ben right now- He's learned a lot recently about just giving things away- God even had him give his two-day-old white RayBan aviators to a guy at his church that has a white Corvette who gave Ben a compliment on the glasses. This reminds me of a guy who had an Africa necklace at a praise night thing I went to. I complimented him on it, just like everyone else around me did, and the guy looked at me and said, "take it. I have another one in my car and I want you to have this one." He didn't know that I even care about Africa. He doesn't know that I have covered my walls with the prayers of a mission team preparing for Africa, Maps of Africa, and a flag from a country in Africa.

This is what happens when we follow the Spirit. He blows our minds, even in 'little' encouraging ways. Ben also said he's been finding more and more that God has an anointing on his life, just like everyone else that is a child of the Lord, and God will withhold certain blessings from being released if we are not living as children of the Light.

One night while he was playing at a bar, he handed out about 40 copies of his newest record, The Good Shepherd, just because he felt the Lord telling Him to. I feel like this is going to be the source of his joy. He has been given things from the Lord, and it is his responsibility to give it away- kinda crazy how I was just talking to my friend Erik Baker about how God has given him a beautiful story (his testimony) that is to be given away in order to bless others. The blessing is so often mistaken- It's NOT the paycheck. It's NOT the wisdom. It's NOT all these things we've hoarded for ourselves. It's GIVING THOSE THINGS AWAY- and doing it with a broken heart. God broke me, Ben, and Erik at different times in different ways, and He provided more than enough through that. Read Heidi Baker's book, 'Always Enough.' It fits this theme perfectly and then some.

So this is to Ben: I'm proud of you, brother. I love seeing you broken. You're right- you've been anointed- It's no coincidence that our Mozambique team just prayed Isaiah 61 on Sunday: "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good new to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning (we anointed each other with the oil of gladness Sunday), the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks; foreigners shall be your plowmen and vinedressers; but you shall be called the priests of the Lord; they shall speak of you as the ministers of our God; you shall eat the wealth of the nations, and in their glory you shall boast. Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion..." I'm keeping myself from typing out the whole thing- just go read it. You belong to Him. He's ruined you. You've seen too much of Him and He has anointed you too much for you to belong to anything but Him. 

So Father, take Ben and just breathe your words into him. Replace his heart with yours. Your eyes instead of his. Your heartbeat instead of his. Allow him to tune in with you so closely he forgets his own voice. You've anointed him just like Isaiah 61 says. So Abba keep doing your good work in Ben. Keep ruining him by how faithful and good you are. And as he is quick to seek you earnestly, be faithful and quick to bless him with exactly what you want for him. Bless him with more of You.

God always appoints perfect times for us to be around each other, and today was no exception. I'll see you Thursday at the studio again, hopefully. Love you brother. Be Blessed.

-Blake

The Storm Before the Calm or Thank You, Jesus

He's FAITHFUL. (Thanks, Madison... see post "always faithful")

Okay, dang. I wish I could just fill you in on the details of this past week and a half or so, but I can't, and I wouldn't if I could, so it's basically pointless for me to even mention that. 

But anyway, as I stated in the last post, I've been under some crappy, debilitating distraction recently, and as I did NOT state before, it is actually a beautiful thing that always comes before a blessing from the Lord- that is, if we are faithful in the valley. If you have 9 minutes, watch this.

The more we are attacked, the more we will be blessed in the end. I don't feel too heretical saying that, I think. I don't know, but it's definitely a pattern that's been happening in my life the past 6 or 7 months. And this last couple weeks was a perfect example. You see, I was truckin' along, enjoying great amounts of joy and blessing from the Lord in ministry and in relationships, and then a few things went nuts a couple weeks ago (crazy events of people not being able to go to Mozambique, plane tickets not being purchased, immunizations being backed up, relationships getting confusing... on and on...). So I sat with the Lord a few times last week, especially Friday, and told Him I was pissed. I didn't like that I had to undergo these problems, these confusions, these immobilizing brick walls.

So I sat at His feet (He's always tricking me into doing that...) for a few days and He was faithful once again. Isaiah 55 says for EVERYONE to come to Him. Come to Him ALL who are thirsty. We must make ourselves thirsty for Him. Forget telling Him He's all you want and not making room for Him. That's worthless.

Not to cut it short, but for now, that's all I got. Maybe I'll add more to this later.

What I Am Right Now...

'What I Am' by Ryan Lindsey

This is a speed post. I only have a few minutes, so here we go:

I Am:

Incredibly blessed- I wish I could list the people that have been messengers from the Lord recently, but I can't, so I wont.

Overwhelmed- Talk about an event-filled week, dangs. So much stuff changing!

Peaceful- I know, it doesn't match up with the thing right above this, but somehow (probably due to a walk I just took) I am overwhelmed also by peace.

Anxious- I'm about to burst with the anticipation of getting tickets, visas, immunizations, etc. ready for the trip... 

'Swimmy'- It's a word I made up a few months ago- it's where I don't feel like I'm in control at all- which tends to be a good thing.

God is doing a lot of stuff right now. He's testing my heart and my mind, allowing distractions upon distractions to come with the threat of losing everything He's offered me. I know that sounds dramatic, and since I don't have time to fix that sentence, it's just gonna stay there. But there's some truth to it- He hasn't been taking it easy on me. He's letting things hit right now, as some big events are about to take place (leaving for Mozambique in a month tomorrow, deciding about Waco by the same time...). I mean, I expect things like these, but it's just so crazy when it's actually going down. It seems like I doubt God's consistency, how He will actually ALWAYS be intricately entangled all up in my biznass. That was dumb. But really, I'm always blown away by how involved He really is. I talk about it all the time like it's something I believe, but then I'm surprised every time it actually happens. How jacked up is that? Well, that's about all I have time for, not that it really matters... 

Be blessed.

(photo is a drawing from a schizophrenic patient in therapy)

Rain, Drowning, and a Burning "R"

Oh, and 'R' is for Righteousness

I'm not just real sure why I'm blogging right now ('blogging' is such a weird verb). But today was a really cool day. It rained crazy hard, probably harder than I've seen since I've lived in this house... It reminded me of Isaiah 55:10-11 "For as the rain and snow come down from heaven and do no return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

Isaiah 55 has a really sentimental place in the Mozambique team. One weekend, it popped up everywhere in separate conversations with people who were completely disconnected from each other relationally. It popped up again tonight with Colin, a guy on our team. So that's cool...

Anyway, 'drowning' came up tonight during Mozambique prayer. A few months ago, one of my closest friends, Blake Slatten, got a mental picture of me drowning in God's Glory. At first I'd swim down and go deep, then come up and ask for permission to go deeper. After a while, after getting more and more permission, God said, 'you always have permission, you don't even have to ask.' So then I swam down into the darkness and drowned in His Love. He killed me with His Presence, and that's exactly how we have to live. Dead.

We started prayer off with complete darkness, with Sigur Ros playing (gah, I love them). We usually light candles, but we just sat in the darkness, and told God we'd follow Him into it. We claimed that we will walk by faith and not by sight. It was pretty powerful.

I hung out with a supercool friend tonight, too. We went to Starbucks, and after ordering, we noticed everyone was staring out the window, and someone was on the phone with 911. We went over to the window, and there was a burning sign on the business next to Starbucks. The "R" of the name was on fire. Not that that's important, maybe I just typed that cause I title these posts before I write them. Yup, that's it. Well, it is pretty cool that the 9th of every month seems to have a lot of significance, and FIRE has been a huge theme for me for the past 6 months. Oh, and not that it really has anything to do with the R being on fire (I just like any reference I can make to Sesame Street- see intro sentence), but the theme of Righteousness is pretty heavy right now. My friend I hung out with (did I mention she was supercool?- I don't know why I think that's a single word) talked about that tonight, and I remember it being a recurring word yesterday, but it popped up again in prayer tonight... in Psalm 34:15- 'The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.' and verse 19- 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.'

Anyway, that's about it.

Night!

Locking Doors or The Thief Comes to Steal

I love/hate walking with the Lord.

-Thought that intro sentence would catch you... okay, I love it, but my flesh really comes out sometimes and hates living like this- sometimes I wish I could just make my own plans, follow through with them, and not be so multi-personality-ish. And sometimes I wish I could see all dreams as just coincidence, a jumbled mess of human thoughts and firing neurons or whatever it is, mixed with bad pizza from the night before. But they're not. So I go crazy and God starts speaking to me through them. Freaked out? Just wait till I post about what He does with me and numbers, whew!

Gah, it's already the 8th? Well, I wrote '4.9.08' in my journal 6 times yesterday, so I guess I've been ahead anyway. On the 5th or so I had a dream about locking doors. Sort of.

I have been seeing myself locking doors recently: The Neighboorhood, The Refuge, Nick Thurmond Band, Norman Community, my friends, family, school, blah blah blah... I've been spending a lot of time 'locking up the house', settling some details about moving away from all of it, and making some big strides toward Antioch Community Church (Waco). I've been renouncing all I have in order to follow Him. I still don't know what this means for the Fall, or even what it means for this next moment, but my prayer is just that I would be doing the right thing now. Tomorrow isn't even promised. James 4:13-17 "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, that knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

Mouthful, I know. But I'm saying that because that is the basis for why I will jump from one 'plan' to another. As Phil always says, "I see things through a dirty mirror." If I knew what I would be doing in a year, or tomorrow, or whatever, I'd be God. My place is always at His feet. Nowhere else. And the more I'm surrendered to Him and dead to myself, the more I will know what I'm going to do in a year, two years... just kidding. Just seeing if you're paying attention to me... The more I'm dead, the less I will know what the crap is going on- at least as far as what everyone else refers to as 'plans', 'priorities', 'the right thing to do', 'security', etc.

So here's the dream: I'm walking around my house (apparently I have a rustic house in a field), locking up all the doors (I also have tons of doors), getting ready to leave. But every time I lock a door and move around to lock the next few, a door from a few ago will fly open, as if it's on a spring or something. Then, each time the door flies open, I just know there is an Enemy in my house, robbing me of what I have.

Now, I'm not a prophet by any means (although I have a prophetic gifting that switches on occasionally), so I'm not claiming to have this one nailed- remember the dirty mirror? But I do feel like this dream is telling me I need to kind of "man the battlestation." For now, meaning, this moment, I need to be still. I feel like I've been faithful in walking toward Waco in this passed season, but for now, maybe just for today, I need to be S T I L L . .

So I'm gonna go be still, sit in His Presence, and know He is who He says he is. Doesn't matter where that takes me. I'm along for the ride.

The Desert.

This is a taste of why I am the way I am right now.

God has been intricately laced and in control of each detail of my entire life, no doubt, but these past 6 months have just been ridiculous... in a good way. In an overwhelming, life-giving, life-identifying way. Making things very brief, I grew up as a middle child in a middle-upper-class, southern Baptist family. By the time I hit puberty, which was 5th grade for me, I had become extremely rebellious and defiant against any form of what I perceived to be an authority. When friends spent the night, we'd sneak out. When I stayed at friends' houses, we'd steal the step-parents' cars in the middle of the night and pray we didn't get caught, despite speeding and blaring punk music.. we were barely 14 years old. I treated girls like objects starting at the age of 11. I began cutting myself when I was 12. Any time I could associate myself with middle-school-aged drug dealers and gang members, I would. I always felt cool doing that. It made me feel like I was better than other people. But inside I was about to explode. When one of those vices (an 8th grade girlfriend, in particular) left me, I wanted to kill myself. Ridiculous, huh?

Well, God was gracious. Incredibly gracious. He never let me get too deep into that crap. I somehow was rooted in Him before those things, and that Inner Identity was always going to be who I really was.

Fast forward to college. I came into college with a very serious girlfriend from my senior year of high school. Through our mutual friends, I met some of the most incredible people I'd ever meet. The first weekend at OU I met Blake Slatten because of her sister's ministry, and he is now, almost three years later, one of the few people I am 'running this race' and moving to Waco with. He is now, more than ever, spurring me on to emptiness of myself and renouncing all I have in order to be Jesus' disciple.

Anyway, after two and a half years at OU, and after having a great relationship with this girl, God decided to break us up. Right after a year of learning how to be a 'great boyfriend', and making plans to probably spend the rest of my life with this person, God decided to take her out of the picture. He was that jealous. He knew that a lot of my heart was given to her, and He wanted all of it. He wants the things we just can't give Him. So, knowing what is best for me, what I really want, and not so much what I think I want, He took me into a desert.

And I've been hanging out in this desert for 6 months.

Not that I'm not over the breakup: that wound got exchanged around the 3rd month or so. And that's exactly why I'm still in the desert... He's exchanging my wounds for His. And he used the initial wound to expose other parts of my heart that needed ripping out. Here are the words to a song that kept me from using the world's bandages to cover up what God wanted to use to speak to me:

'Don't lie to me. Just tell me something true.

Because I'm only free when I look at you.

And you look so good it hurts.

And Love, I come undone.

But don't give me medication.

Just give me liberation.

Even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath.

I don't want medication.

I want the real sensation.

Even when living feels just like death to me.

Don't paint my face. I need to see the scars

So I won't forget the back of my tutor's arm.

Because I just can't keep it straight.

Which kills and which one saves?

Because the truth is I need you

Just like the air I breathe.

Like the freight train needs the tracks beneath.

And I'd rather suffer my whole life

And be this rich man's wife

If loving you means suffering.'

Derek Webb, "Medication"

You see, He even kept me from using friends, entertainment, food, or anything else I'd tend to run to to 'get over it.' He wounded me in order to make me able to feel His heart. His heart is wounded. It's made of flesh, not stone, and it is beating and bleeding and crying for His Bride. His eyes of fire are burning after His Bride. He is calling people deeper into His places of loneliness, the places of His suffering. MANY Christians are staying in His places of blessing, enjoying salvation, 'the prosperity Gospel'- if there is such a thing, and comfort. But it is the place of most intimacy with Him to suffer with Him. And you WILL suffer if you ask for His heart. If you ask for His heart for the poor, the broken, the wounded, the widowed and the orphaned, it will hurt you. It will hurt you because to be with the broken, you must be broken. Don't think you can go out and work for Jesus. You can't be effective as a mere servant of Him. He desires intimacy with us. He wants Lovers. Lovers that go and do things because He is taking them there, not because we've heard something great and now we're going to tell everyone about it. There is no intimacy with Jesus in that.

So to make a long story incredibly short and with many holes, there you go. I don't know where this leaves me as far as what denomination I am now or what I believe about evangelism, but I'm not worried about putting a label on it. All I know is that we must become what we want to save, kinda like Derek Webb's 'Take to the World' song. We aren't doing anything by building our own kingdoms.

Love You!

Mozambique

I'm leading a trip to Mozambique, Africa in May.

There are eleven of us total, and we are expecting the Lord to move in huge ways. I can't begin to describe the events leading up to this place in my life, so I'll save that for other posts (I like how I can just keep myself from going into a long story by just putting it off). But I will tell you that the Lord has actively been speaking through us as team members, giving us His heart for each other and for the Mozambique people. We will be doing work with a heavily anointed orphanage named Iris Ministries. And when I say 'heavily anointed', just know that that's completely an understatement. Just spend some time on that site and tell me you don't find a lot of it hard to believe. No mortal should see the things they are seeing. No mortal should see the things my eyes have seen, but much less what the eyes of these people have seen. The dead have been raised (as in 24 hours have gone by, then they were riased), the blind given sight, the lame the ability to walk, food has been multiplied, and that's just a few of the miracles that occur on a daily basis.

Well, now that I've creeped out half of you, I'll go on to say I am extremely excited about going. The people God has placed on the team are a rare selection of God-fearing, pure-hearted individuals that are just hungry for more of the Lord's presence. Crazy things begin to happen when the Beloved hungers for the Lord. He is desperately longing for His Bride. So when we, as His Bride, come running to Him, we are naturally sent into a place of deep intimacy- to the place we belong. We were created to be in this place- and it pisses off the Enemy. And that is where we are right now as a team. We are aware of the Lord's Presence, aware that we have a choice to be the Harvest (those God will draw to Himself) or the Harvesters (those partnering with God to draw people to Him), and aware that there is a Spiritual 'realm' that is around us, more real than the tables in front of us.

In Mozambique, we will be loving on orphaned children, going out on a camping trip to the bush- where witch doctors use demonic power to control families and captivate children, going to a hospital and praying over people who will die in the next few days, and preaching in the city (the locals that guide us will be turning to us randomly, asking, "So, what has the Lord told you to share with us right now?") Needless to say, we have to be emptied of ourselves and filled with the Lord. So if you wouldn't mind, the next time you pray, pray that God would break us. If we are to be with the broken, we must be broken, and choose to stay broken for those people.

Heidi Baker, the woman who founded Iris Ministries (which now consists of over 6,000 churches), began all her ministry endeavors by being broken. Many times she didn't choose to be broken- it came to her. I would highly encourage you to read her book, Always Enough. It truly is a life changing documentation of the Lord's faithfulness to His Broken. Her ministry went from about 8 churches after 18 years, and then, after being put through a week-long overwhelming refining fire with the Lord, almost 6,000 churches emerged in the following 8 years.

Anyway, I'm rambling about that for a very important reason. We need to be broken. Not so we'll get a bunch of numbers, but so we'll be in a place of intimacy and 'usefulness' to the Lord.

Okay, bed time. Goodnight.