12.27.08

The day Philip and Becky Rice began their lives together.

Gah, that's just messed up.

Here's the wedding through my eyes:

Matt (drummer from the neighborhood and stardeath), Eric (bass player from the neighborhood), and I were perched up in the balcony. Cables, computers, iPods, drums, a sampler, hand percussion, a synthesizer, delay pedals, bags and cases littered the space around the Yamaha m7CL (a digital mixing console). And right out over the rail, everyone dressed up, each ribbon and fabric placed carefully, every relative positioned in the right chair, the church was full of excited hearts and anticipating loved ones.

Weddings usually piss me off. Things are generally so pretentious. Trust me, I believe decorating and atmosphere are totally valid and always essential. I'm not talking about that stuff. I'm talking about the stench that exists too often at weddings where the relatives are uptight, the creeper uncle is checking out the bridesmaids (sorry, I don't know where that came from), the bride is worried about the unnoticeable flaw in her hair and dress, the groom is in need of a pep talk, and no one is actually happy because they drove and flew too far to just make their socially required appearance.

This wedding, however, couldn't have been more opposite of that. From the balcony, one of the musicians and I were noticing how only a small pocket of people weren't in the most lively conversation people could have in such a situation. The level of community and love existing in that one room was truly remarkable.

Then, before I could take it in, I was cued to start playing the keys that would set the mood for the whole service. You see, Phil, being a musician, and I, being his wing man in just about every musical endeavor he makes, sat together for hours writing out a score for the wedding. Yeah, like in a movie. This wedding was created to be a song. In the key of D. We tracked his vocals overlapping and swirling in falsetto notes, reverbed out to put it eerily in the distance. We spent time dialing in the synth sound I would be droning out perfectly. We discussed each movement of the music corresponding with the service. 

And it worked.

I played little soft droning synth chords for a while and abruptly stopped. It was time for Becky to come walking down the aisle to Phil. Making anxious eye contact with Matt, his finger hit the sampler trigger simultaneously with his big crash, opening up a naked space where Phil's pre-recorded vocals swept the sanctuary. Two bars in, Matt, Eric and I came in big, ushering the bride in with huge, epic notes.

Things would die down, flow, anxiously wait, slow down, and immediately hasten with the corresponding event happening in the wedding. And I must say, not due to our musical talent, but rather to an atmosphere of love and the presence of the Lord, the wedding was intense. No homily (speech or sermon), no dude on acoustic guitar, no 'butterfly kisses.' Just a series of emphases being placed on the epic moments of life: the triumphal entry, the vows, the intimate communion, the prophetic and savored prayer and laying on of hands (of over 60 or so people), and the big kiss. Dang. That's pretty rich.

Heritage

Philip Rice, my spiritual/prophetic father, is going to marry Becky Freeman tomorrow night. After just two and a half months of constant planning and preparing and arranging and writing and on and on... It's really going to happen. And that is just a crazy thing to begin wrapping my mind around.

Tonight we held a bachelor party for Phil at my house. Mitch Freeman (Becky's father), his sons, Sid Rice (Philip's Dad), his sons, Willis Rice (Philip's uncle), the guys of the Neighborhood (Matt, Eric, and myself), Shane Mock (Philip's spiritual father), Brett (my spiritual brother) were all in one room for a couple hours. The weight was intense.

We sat in a circle, with Phil in a nice leather chair, and each man told Philip what we thought about him and how he had changed our lives. 

The part that really messed with me wasn't the cute stories. It wasn't even the prayer, although it was one of the most important prayers I've ever witnessed. It was when Philip's father talked about the heritage of the Rice family.

Phil's dad had told Phil that he reminded him of his father, Phil's grandfather a few months ago while Phil was preparing to propose to Becky. I remember when that was said, because Phil and I talked a long time about the significance of that statement. But seeing his dad actually in front of me tell Phil the same thing I had only heard second hand was powerful. Then, when Shane followed up with a picture of the spiritual heritage of his relationship to Phil, I was definitely blown away. Parts of my heart started resonating that I didn't know existed. 

It clicked that Brett and I are spiritual brothers in a lineage of incredible men. The fact that Phil started calling the two of us his prophetic sons a few years ago set a part of my heart into place, and I could almost physically feel the connection being made. 

As we prayed, Shane had his hand on Philip's heart, and Brett and I were overlapping our hands over his belly area. I will NEVER forget this picture. It's an image of Shane depositing things into Phil, Phil stewarding them, and channelling them into Brett and I. And behind Philip were standing the two biological fathers (his father and his uncle) that passed down a ministry of passion and faithfulness from the very beginning of Philip's life, anointing him in a very special way as the first born among his brothers.

Well, there you go. Hopefully you're getting a picture of intense love and lineage that surpasses any talent, skill, or trade. Hopefully you're being inspired to begin pouring into someone under you and multiplying your life of intimacy with Jesus into them. I know I'm inspired to do just that.

...

Soak

Back in the Summer of 2006, while I was a counselor at New Life Ranch, I met Philip Rice. Due to timely appointments clearly from the Lord, we found ourselves retreating to remote rooms or buildings around the camp, playing music and praying together. At this point, deep intimacy in prayer was a familiar element in Phil's life. Despite my history of leading worship for years at my hometown church and knowing there could be more than I was experiencing back then, I could hardly believe the level of God's presence and love that existed while Phil and I sat in these candle-lit rooms alone with the Lord.

I realized a few things:

- Prayer and worship are learned behaviors.

- One cannot base their knowledge of God's presence on personal experience. 

- No one knows the extent to which someone can experience God's Presence.

- Although the Holy Spirit draws us in, God is a gentleman- He won't force Himself on you. You have a choice in receiving His unconditional love or rejecting it.

- We can always go deeper and know more of His presence- but we better be ready to look more and more ridiculous.

I vividly recall one night when the two of us were walking out of a dark, vacant chapel after sitting and experiencing Heavenly worship. We parted ways to go to our rooms and looking to me with a look of relaxation and rejuvenation, he said, "That was a good soak."

soak : [sohk] - verb

1. to lie in and become saturated or permeated with water or some other liquid.

2. to pass, as a liquid, through pores, holes, or the like : The rain soaked through the tear in the umbrella.

3. to be thoroughly wet.

4. to penetrate or become known to the mind or feelings. : The lesson didn't soak in.

5. to drink immoderately, esp. alcoholic beverages : They were soaking at the bar.

-

God doesn't want you to know about Him. He doesn't want to know about you. He desires (more than you or I ever will) for you to know Him, experience Him. He wants you to feel Him. You're doing him no favors by saying, "It's enough for me to be 'reverent' and distanced from You." Calling it emotionalism is blasphemous, grieving the Lord who is crying out for communion with His beloved- YOU.

Screw sipping on the Living Water. I wanna soak in Him. Forget moderation. I wanna get drunk on the new wine of The Spirit. (I understand that the semantics can get confusing for someone who doesn't know me, but I have no other way of putting it.) I can't keep it in. I've found the purpose of my life. The life source I have always needed and searched in all the wrong places to find.

-

It will look different for you than it does for me. That's the beautiful part. God has a perfect, intimate way of interacting with you. He's designed you to commune with Him in a way that is completely unique and suited for you. But understand the jealousy of Him- He wants the thing you just can't give Him, and if that means vomiting up your religious doctrine that has been encaging Him, you'll have to hang over the toilet for a while before you experience Him fully.

... and trust me- personally, I've never known such a beautiful purging.

I L0V3 0LD 5TYL3 NUMB3R5

It's a designer-nerd thing, probably. Please excuse the nauseating drop shadow, I found the image on Google. 

Stop Looking At The Telephone.

Fascination is dangerous when learning about the prophetic or healing or anything else that is supernatural. If fascination fuels the desire to see more of God, it's incredibly easy to be led astray from the thing God desires for and from us... intimacy.

Intimacy is the central focus of God, always. He doesn't need us. We aren't practical to Him. My friend Brett made the analogy of having kids - they're expensive, needy, and easily misguided. For a good father to have kids makes no sense unless you actually love them. The Father's love for us is so intense. He didn't send His Son to die in order to fix a problem. He died to become more intimate with us.

So if He has plans to be more intimate with us, prophecy should end in the fruit of intimacy. Prophecy is a telephone - a supernatural communication with the Lord.

When you're on the phone with someone, do you get distracted that you're on the phone, too excited that a device is connecting you to someone else to focus on the conversation? Are you thinking about how it works? Are you distracted by the batteries, the microphone, the speaker, the soundwaves, and electronic signals? If you are, you're hindering the purpose of the phone.

When I first became aware that God still speaks to people, I was skeptical. When certain prophetic words of wisdom became too accurate for me to deny it anymore, I was fascinated. When I realized who the One is on the other end of the line, I was convicted of having my eyes fixed on the telephone.

May the Lord ruin our boxed-in perception of who He is and what He can do.

Design And Other Things About Me. Honestly.

To my classmates and teachers :

I know it seems like I don't care at all. Reality is, I don't want to allow being a designer to negatively affect me. I don't care to impress and compete with you, allowing pride to become a presence in my life. I believe I have been given a creative mind from the Lord, but it would be disobedient to use that gifting selfishly or pridefully. I don't want to waste my life searching out my life as a designer. I want to waste my life searching out the face of God. I do believe being a good designer is pleasing to the Lord. I believe it pleases the Lord to be great- to do things well. Honestly, I'm living in a constant ebb and flow between designing well and restraining my mind from neglecting the Lord's provision in this area. My deepest desire in school right now is to live in that flowing heart that moves with the Lord and not against him. I know it will offend you (and already has) when I say I'm confident with where my designing has ended on a certain project. I guess what I'm saying in that place is that my heart is confident in the Lord. When He says I'm done, I'm done and I'm not going to stress myself out and so disobey Him. Anxiety is the opposite of prayer. The opposite of faith.

-Blake.

To everyone :

I'm not very supported by most of my family (primarily my extended family) in the realm of what I'm in school for, what my occupational 'ambitions' are, and how I'm looking at life in general. To them, I'm immature, rebellious, reckless, and a bit strange. 

They think my hair is too long. 

my clothes are too abnormal. 

my earring is too offensive. 

my political views are too liberal. 

my spiritual life is too, well, spiritual. 

my mannerisms are too feminine. 

my ambitions are too dangerous.

my job as a musician is too inconsistent.

Basically, I'm not becoming a doctor, dentist, engineer, or electrician...

I might become a musician.

maybe a missionary.

maybe a designer.

maybe a record producer.

Maybe I'll be poor.

Maybe I won't.

I've been tempted (prior to a year and a half ago) to be 'normal' as defined by my critics. It'd be so easy. Wear normal things. Go to a normal, speaker-oriented church on Sunday mornings, get out of the Art School, stop playing so much music, and cut my hair. Sell my recording gear, focus on becoming financially stable, and throw away all the crazy charismatic, prophetic, healing, hearing-from-God books. Shut down the right side of my brain, basically.

Sometimes I can still be tempted to do that. But I believe that me keeping these things as parts of who make me who I am, holding onto the way God made me - keeping the right side of my brain active and alive, basically - is one of the central reasons God took me into the Desert. 

"I'd be foolish to stop being so foolish to the people that tell me I'm foolish."

-Blake

Right Now, I'm A Little Hung Over

... from the wine of the Holy Spirit.

I know, I know. I almost offend myself to say that. But I offend myself in almost being offended. What I'm saying is that the true drunkenness we can receive from the Lord should start getting a better reputation among Christians. 

Q and A time:

-

- 'How do you know when someone is or is not experiencing the Lord in a true, pure way?'

- I don't. At least not always. And neither do you.

- 'Why do I need to look and act weird when I'm supposedly interacting with the Lord?'

- You don't. At least not always. But sometimes you do.

- 'Do you believe the Lord still heals people supernaturally and speaks to people prophetically?'

- Yes. Always.

- 'Then why are some people not healed and some prophetic words not accurate?'

- I don't know. But I won't stop praying for it. And neither should you. Many times, it's probably the intense jealousy of God, seeing if we will persevere and be steadfast lovers of Him.

(If anyone wants to pick my brain with some of these questions, I'd love to go in depth. I just feel like there are some of these things floating around a lot and wanted to make room for answers to be found and conversation to occur- maybe shake some things up.)

I'm not done writing..

Design.2

It's finals week for me, which means I'm living at the art school for a few days. Here's a random design for you to see... I'll be more interesting in the near future.

(click to enlarge)

Design

I don't talk about it much, but I'm in the art school at OU, studying Visual Communications. That's the fancy way of saying graphic design. 99% of the time, I'm too busy trying to keep design projects from killing my emotional and spiritual life. 

Here's a design for a timeline project over the history of communication and language that I'm printing off right now, at 3:45 am.

New Horizons (Part 2 of 2)

A little over a month ago, a friend of mine from high school - I'll call her Jennifer - came to Tulsa, visiting for the weekend. She had briefly communicated (via facebook wall posts) that it would be nice to sit and talk about the Lord with Brett and I, and that for the past couple years she had been running away from the Lord, finding that nothing could satisfy the deeper longings of her heart. I got to see her with some other friends of ours on Saturday night for a little while, but we didn't really get around to talking intensely about the Lord. I was about to head back to Norman with Brett on Sunday, believing the Lord would just keep pressing on her heart and reveal Himself to her more and more. As I hopped in the car with Brett, he told me Jennifer was coming with us to a prayer meeting in Edmond.

My heart leaped. I had a strange assurance that the Lord would completely redeem her that night. She was going to drive her own car to Edmond and back that night, while Brett and I were going to just keep going to Norman. I felt like it would be good to ride with Jennifer on our way to Edmond, hopefully to engage in some good conversation before the meeting. Well, the good conversation I had anticipated turned into great conversation that resonated deeply for both of us. 

You see, I had just gone through a year of the Lord redeeming me and starting a revival in my life, the Lord slaying me in order for me to receive my inheritance of peace, relentless love, hope, power, etc. There is no argument about it. The Holy Spirit was literally sitting with Jennifer and I in that car for an hour and a half, pouring out themes and verses and an atmosphere of Heaven leaving us in awe of who Jesus is. I love that the Holy Spirit always glorifies the Son.

The prayer meeting was intense. A normal small group house bible study thing turned into a Jesus rave with a flip of the light switch and a cue on the sound system. It was loud. And I must admit I wasn't a huge fan of the first couple songs. But I couldn't help but feel the presence of God in that little cleared-out living room. A 50 year old man was choosing songs, pouring out all his energy vocally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. A passion for Jesus was so thick.

This opened up a beautiful time of intercession among the believers, the blessed ones and the mourning ones were receiving love from the Lord all at once. Jennifer got prayed over, and I saw it with my own eyes - she was restored. She was always known in high school for her huge smile, her bright eyes, and her laughter. What the Lord imparted to her was more than that. She simply could not stop belly laughing, enjoying the passionate unity of herself with her first love.

It's funny because just before this meeting I told Jennifer about how the Lord has a true version of every counterfeit and vice the Enemy has ever offered. 

for drunkenness on alcohol : drunkenness on the 'new wine' of the Spirit

for sexual indulgence : an intimacy with the Triune God that surpasses all lust

for highs found in pills and weed : ecstasy of open visions and community with the Most High

But these are only found in the death of ourselves. 

We have a backwards way of inheriting things from God. Every other inheritance depends on the person who has the inheritance dying - then it falls to you. But in this inheritance, it is we, the heirs, who die. As we die, we are filled. As we pass away, (in THIS LIFE, by dying to ourselves) we inherit the Kingdom of God. HERE. NOW. It belongs to us. NOW.

After staying the night in Norman that night, she went to Tulsa before going back to her house over 10 hours away. The Lord didn't hesitate. She, being filled by the Holy Spirit, got to witness her own brother get drunk on the new wine of the Holy Spirit and transformed instantly from a critical analyst into a prophetic lover of the Man Jesus.

Jennifer, over a month later, is still living in the presence of God. She had a deceptive but true comfort before she returned to the Lord that now only exists as she draws in deeply to the Father. The arrows of the Enemy are flying toward her like they never have before. But in her emptiness, in her unity with Jesus, in that place of refuge under the wings of the Triune God... it makes sense. It's right. It's good.

123

Stephen and I were driving back to Norman from the Nine Inch Nails show at the BOK center in Tulsa last night- the most entertaining and captivating show I've ever seen in an arena. 

Stephen asked me how things were going with my interactions with the Lord, and I quickly told him how distracting spirits have been creating a wall between us. I would sit down to pray and worship the Lord, and unless I was in the presence of someone else who did not have the distracting spirits around them, I would instantly be caught up in 'the cares of this world' (homework, errands, other things the Lord is doing, music, obligations), therefore ruining my time set aside for intimacy with Jesus.

The rest of the ride home, I noticed the atmosphere change, and some of the road signs and numbers were highlighted. "See Moore" appeared on a sign outside Moore, Oklahoma as I was talking to Stephen about how I knew we would 'see more' things happen if we pushed through the crap of the Enemy. "Show me the love" was on a heart surgery billboard during a discussion on being a Lover of the Lord. Finally, "123" showed up a few times on the clock and signs, reminding me of a time when Psalm 123 had spoken to me significantly (though I had forgotten what it said).

I got home and read Psalm 123, journaling about how I want to see the Lord and wait on the Lord. Feeling only a little bit successful and a little more tired (therefore a ton more defeated), I went to sleep. 

I dreamt that I saw Sigur Ros play a private concert, where I got to go and meet the lead singer mid-set. Immediately after shaking his hand, he broke out into a worship set, saying the name of Jesus instead of Icelandic words.

Waking up from that felt great. I had a feeling God wanted me to worship Him for at least an hour, playing through the "()" album by Sigur Ros (my favorite prayer background music, hands down).

Seeing 1:23 pm on the oven clock and realizing the date was 11-23-08, I felt it was a good time to start seeking the Lord. I started out blessing my room with the Presence of the Lord, realizing I have 3 doors as entrances to my room that could conveniently usher in the Triune God we worship and pray to. I read Psalm 123 over and over, praying the mercy of God over myself.

Then, after about 45 minutes minimum, my mind was blown. I cracked open "My Utmost for His Highest" for the first time in a couple months or so, and the title said:

November 23

Distraction of Antipathy

"Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us:

for we are exceedingly filled with contempt."

Psalm 123:3

WHAT THE CRAP!? The signs, the clocks, the date... the very verse and topic of a book up on my shelf.

And to top it off, I looked at my other Bible I hadn't used in weeks.. yeah, the bookmark was in Psalm 123.

I don't know why God does stuff like this. I don't need to know why. All I take from this one is that God knows my heart, my thoughts, my afflictions. And He wants me to be my deliverer in this time.

These are those situations where God makes Himself physically apparent. Maybe this is a taste of Heaven on Earth. Another glimpse of the Spiritual coming into the Physical. Another reason to give up trying to make anything out to be 'coincidence.'

New Horizons (Part 1 of 2)

As we prayed with His Tribe in a conference room in the City Rescue Mission last Thursday, Philip asked Jesus, "Jesus, show us where we are going."

Immediately in my spirit I saw myself on a boat, next to Jesus, looking out over the bow. His finger was pointed out in front at the dark blue horizon.

Not long after that I also just saw a glimpse of a baby.

Then, not two minutes passed and Shane (His Tribe's leader) prayed, "Jesus, you're bringing new horizons. New horizons and new life."

Prayer ended quickly after that, and in the calm stillness that comes after a great prayer, I heard (physically) a baby in its mother's arms crying as they passed by the door to the room. 

This theme was definitely for many people in many ways. Quite a few new believers were being baptized in a church service following our small prayer time, for example.

But, as you could imagine, due to the imagery the Lord was giving me in the spirit and how it correlated with what was being prayed aloud, I felt the Lord had some of that ready to give to me personally.

And it's obvious. The next day, amid the everyday, expected 'Christian Inspirational' books at Borders, I found one lonely copy of Good Morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. Here would be a good time for you to read the post previous to this one. I'd been hearing about this book from friends, curriculum, stories and sermons from Bethel Church in Redding, California (a church with a heart and fruit that we as Norman Community Church are following after and contending for as our own), that it was a really good book to understanding the 'mysterious' Third Person of the Trinity.

Along with the fruit and movement happening among some of my close friends in Fort Collins, Colorado, the revelation the Lord has been giving me through this book has been paradigm-shifting... offering the 'new horizon and new life.'

And here's why:

We believe in the Trinity. The Triune God. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But understanding who the Holy Spirit is will change your life. It's been changing mine this whole year, and after beginning this book this weekend, there is a face to the One I've been interacting with. He is the precious, lovely Holy Spirit. A Person of His own, just like Jesus and the Father. All three are equal. All three are God. All three function separately and simultaneously in unison as One.

I loved this imagery:

I tell you to turn on the light. You turn on the light. But what makes the light turn on? Electricity.

God said 'Let there be light.' (Genesis 1:1-2) Jesus did it. (John 1:1) The Holy Spirit made it happen. He was the 'electricity.'

God speaks to us. Jesus does the talking. The Holy Spirit delivers the message.

The Holy Sprit is our Comforter. Our Teacher. Our Counselor. Our Helper.

The following stolen from here.

The Holy Spirit is a Person

with a personality. 

referred to in personal terms : John 15:26, John 16:7-8, John 16:13-14

acting as a person acts

    speaking : 1 Timothy 4:1

    loving : Romans 15:30

    teaching : John 14:26

    interceding : Romans 8:26

The Holy Spirit is Deity

    eternal : Hebrews 9:14

    omnipresent : Psalm 139:7-10

    omniscient, knows all things, the 'deep things of God' : 1 Corinthians 2:10-11

    taught the apostles 'all things' : John 14:26, John 16:12-13

    involved in Creation : Genesis 1:2, Job 33:4, Psalm 104:30

    intimately associated with the Father and the Son : Matt. 28:19, 1 Cor 12:4-6, 2 Cor 13:14, 1 Peter 1:2

Some Old Testament passages attributed to YHWH as the speaker are applied to the Spirit in the New Testament : Isaiah 6:8 to Acts 28:25 and Exodus 16:7 to Hebrews 3:7-9

A Couple Thoughts On Benny Hinn

This is a deep subject with much more to it than I've included here, and I understand that. But I believe we are doing (and I have been doing up until now) a huge injustice to parts of the Body by being judgmental toward people like Benny Hinn and in many discussions outright grieving the Holy Spirit by certain comments on what things 'should' or 'shouldn't' look like in the Kingdom.

If you're interested in knowing more about the Holy Spirit as the 'Third Person of the Trinity,' read Good Morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. I know, Benny Hinn... Schmuck, isn't he? I've thought so too for my whole life - even when I went 'all spiritual,' I was never okay with big crusades of some 'for real' healings and some 'fake' ones, super-shady personas with 'obvious' financial greed, not to mention the televised aspect of all of this, thinning what already sounds surface level to amount to borderline void of authenticity.

But here's the truth that offends my mind but still is the truth : God anoints people regardless of their integrity. You don't earn things with God. God gives us gifts of the Holy Spirit. Who ever deserves a gift, unless the giver is a person of conditional love? In fact, I'm coming to a place where I'm more than okay with people like Benny Hinn (those who are anointed but have no integrity- although I think people misinterpret Benny quite a bit) because the less someone deserves what God has given them a grace for, the less they can take credit for what is happening in their ministry. But enough on that, because this has nothing to do with how we should approach Benny Hinn.

Benny Hinn is not a bad person. By exposing him as a liar, thief, or actor we are doing more damage than good in the Kingdom. I've looked at his beliefs, I've read his book. There is nothing more alarming about his beliefs than those contained in the Baptist Faith and Message. If I were him, I would not be driving a cadillac (or mercedes, whatever), own a golf course (I think that's true...), a $750,000 house or sell my paperback books for more than $14.00 each... I hope. But if I did do those things, would I be wrong? You tell me where it is right for us to judge these decisions of another brother in Christ. It's not.

The other truth that offended my mind but is still true is this : The Holy Spirit, through Benny Hinn, has healed thousands (that figure's a guess...). Sure some aren't healed. But many are... As has been the case as I've prayed for people to be healed. Except my ministry thus far has been mostly based on obedience and less on fruit... meaning my ratios are less impressive than those of Hinn.

My question is : What do we do as Christians about Benny Hinn? Since he seems shady we should quench out the work of the Holy Spirit? No. We pray for him. We pray that he would have a life of integrity that matches the anointing on his life. That he would have love, as it appears in 1 Corinthians 13, which is greater than all the works, healings, words, tongues and prophecies he has given. But if people are coming to an intimate relationship with Jesus, are healed, or are given words from the Lord via Benny's anointing that cause them to fall in love with the Man Jesus, I say more power to Him.

He's freaky. He wears gaudy clothes and looks like he smells weird. He spends money weird. He steps out in faith in weird ways that seem theatrical (such as waving his jacket around and healing people with it... which isn't what he's really doing, by the way). Credible sources say his ministry is irresponsible with their monetary spending. Almost everything that happens on his stage is offensive to the mind. 

Mark 16:17

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; the will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

Why is it okay for many pastors to get up every sunday and speak good things, with no signs accompanying them, but live a pretty 'acceptable' (although still human) lifestyle, and be 'a good, grounded pastor'

while some, such as the freaky Benny Hinn, Heidi Baker, John Paul Jackson, Bill Johnson, Todd Bently dudes/chicks...

speak good things, have signs and wonders accompanying them by the thousands, but live a pretty 'out there' (although still human) lifestyle, and be 'wrong?'

What if God told Benny to do everything he has been doing and Benny has been completely obedient, unwavering under the pressure of negative media and scoffing evangelicals.. and we were wrong in our judgments against him? 

What a loss in the Kingdom that would be.

Which side will you err on?

Caught Up In The Crossfire

I've been in the crossfire of Heaven and Hell. I've watched firsthand as the Lord put HIs hand of joy, peace, rest, and comfort on a girl who thought she'd run too far from Him to ever feel Him again. I've seen demons leap upon recently delivered friends and family to try and taint their freedom and identity. I've sat with a man on a bench and heard the Lord reveal life-altering truths that offended all the evil that had been oppressing him for months. Seconds afterward, I heard the voice of the Enemy combat those spiritual truths with logic. I've laid on the ground for hours experiencing the peace and love of God, only to rise to my feet feeling accusing, condemning, and obligating spirits physically and emotionally attack.

Heaven is a real place. Here, as well as 'up there.'

Hell is a real place. Here, as well as 'down there.'

As we contend for Heaven to come to Earth as Jesus taught us to do - "... Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." - we naturally experience resistance from the Enemy. But I guess I'm just here to say to you it's intense. It's intensely good, freeing, and right. It's intensely powerful. But it's intensely irritating to the evil that has a grip on so many people, lulling the Body of Christ to sleep and demonizing prodigals that need to come back home to their Father God.

But the good news is we have won. The Lord purchased our fear, our guilt. At an expensive price, too... 

All Satan can do is lie to us. He's the great Deceiver. Any power the Devil has over your life, be it skepticism, guilt, shame, accusation, fear, addiction, whatever... ITS ALL ROOTED IN A LIE from the Devil. No will power gets you out of a place you don't actually exist in. You aren't a bad person. You aren't chained up. You aren't addicted to anything. There is a liar telling you what is happening to you, keeping you in his captivity - telling you that God wants to discipline you for what you've been doing - that you're going to have to do things right.

And those spirits of religion, obligation, fear, and shame do not belong on you. God will not spank you for what you've done. He will throw a party for your return to Him. He is too in love with you to give you what you deserve. Since when was God's love conditional? He's always there at the foot of your bed, waiting for you to say you love Him and that He is your portion. You can't push Him away. You can wound Him... But He'll always be there. Loving you. 

Be loved. Don't do anything. There's nothing you can do to be loved by God. Just be loved. Encounter His love. God doesn't want your ministry, your worship, your 'faithfulness.' He wants you. You're his Bride.

I feel like maybe one or possibly two people needed this. For those of you.... know that there really is a Satisfier. A perfect One that gives you everything you have even the slightest desire for. The One who installed those desires in you. He is burning with a Jealous Love for you. Experience His power.

Okay, that's all. I love you, whoever has read this far. :)

November

Thank God October's over.

I almost lost faith last month.

If it weren't for the little kisses that came just in time, I never would've persevered.

Earlier I named October the 'Month of Remembrance.'

I think more accurately it should be named the 'Month of the Enemy's Arrows Finding Gaps in My Armor.'

So far, and I know I'm jumping the gun once again on this one, November has been named the 'Month of Freedom for the Captives.' God is in a mood to release the captives right now. Not tomorrow, not when 'it's a good time.' Right Now. Geographical areas that once were a stronghold for the Devil are being turned over to become little flames of a passion for Jesus. God is releasing the chains on hearts that have been on the run for a long time. Right now. And what is the best evidence? ('Cuz we all know emotionalism can put people in good moods and make them feel free for a while)

Here's the evidence:

The demons by the names of Religion, The Fear of Man, Accusation, Lust, Shame, and Guilt are trying to find homes. They're rearing their repulsive heads against the individuals they were demonizing, formerly creating a strange 'comfort.' Now, as we are released and the demonic is cast out of our rooms, realms, and atmospheres, they're trying to get back inside their 'homes' in new ways and we feel it as anxiety, accusation, fear, and guilt. But it's external. They have no home anymore.

So here's to you free people:

Claim your freedom over yourself. You Are Free. You Are God's. Recognize the table set before you and eat from Jesus' body and drink from his blood. Don't do anything. BE free. Be free to let your mind wander where it wants. Satan wants you to feel guilty. God wants you to be you. Don't pray. Don't read. Don't write. BE with Jesus. He'll do everything else:

such as:

Speak to you through the Bible.

Intercede for you.

Install a wailing wall heart of intercession inside you.

Impart zeal for His house on you.

Reveal perfect peace to you.

You can't do anything to make him give you these things except receive them from Him.

End Rant.

Freedom.2

There's a lot of 'activity' happening right now. It seems the Enemy is out prowling around, getting pissed off by the enabled lovers of Jesus, and resorting to annoyances and other games in order to throw off our rhythms. We are to live in a rhythmic heartbeat aligned with Jesus'. We are created to live and walk in freedom. So here's a prayer for you: 'you' meaning anyone in need of freedom from the arrows of the Enemy...

Lord, Jesus. We love you. We are yours, crazed with love and drunk with love, desiring to just press our faces to your chest and hear your heartbeat. We long to spend time with you. We don't desire to do business with you as a commissioned servant. We long to just be with you until you take us wherever we need to go. 

Father I pray you would break the chains on the people reading this right now. Flood their lives with peace and intimacy with you. May they find themselves in you. May they hear your voice for what it really is. May the truth of your glory and your presence not only pass by them, but envelop them and take them into a place of complete peace. In this place, begin speaking and repeating your love over them. Tell them the names you call them by. Tell them how much you dream about them. Whisper your sweet everythings into their ears gently and tell them everything is okay. Nothing is in need of worry. All disease and sickness and pain and anxiety and accusation has to fall away in your Glorious Presence. 

We aren't after emotionalism. We're after the Face of God. We can't help but be entranced when we finally see your face. Steal our minds, God. Captivate our hearts. Never let us go. We have no where else to go. We have nothing else that will do. Our anxiety and our worry and our walls of protection don't work. We have no home but in You. 

Thank you.

I'm in love with you.

Bless these people You've had stumble upon this post in the Name of Jesus.

Amen.

Freedom

I met with my spiritual/prophetic father (Philip) and grandfather (Shane) tonight at Winan's (a coffee shop). We just sat and had coffee and talked about what the Lord has been doing. This was a great ender to October - the month of remembrance, remember? I feel like October was just a struggled, oppressive, hard-to-push-through month. A year after the purging the demons that wanted me to indulge in the fleeting 'peace' they were offering a year ago visited me for a yearly checkup to see if I would go their route or the Lord's this time. I remember having to consciously choose the wine of Holy Spirit over alcohol and intimacy with Jesus over sexual indulgence with new girls to fill the void that was created. By the enabling power of God (grace) I over and over chose the Lord. Which brought me here a year later. Now, having again put my stake in the ground and saying 'God is my portion,' I'm off to a great second November for this Revival I've found myself in.

Freedom's the theme so far these past two days. Praise God I'm not called to discipline, doctrine, obedience or abstinence. 

I'm called to a life of walking in Freedom from sin. Not abstaining from it. I can't do that. But I can and will walk in Freedom from it in order to see Jesus face to face. 

I'm excited.

Isaiah 55 Screenprint

This is the second screenprint I'm doing. These are two separate prints that will match up with each other. The colors will change a bit, but this is the idea.

L : 'the mountains and hills will burst into song before you'

R : 'the trees of the field will clap their hands'

(click to enlarge)

Philip and Becky

Are Engaged.

(click to enlarge)

More at flickr.com/blakestuddard

The Single Reason Why I've Ever Failed

I waste my time TRYING...

to be creative, conjuring up design ideas for projects

to please the Lord

to find the people God wants in my life

to get words for people

to balance my schedule

to stay in touch with people

to know which people to cut out of my life

to reach out and touch people around me... 'for Christ!' (just threw up in my mouth)

to know God

to walk in righteousness

I benefit from time spent...

BEING a lover of my husband.

that's all.

its who I am. I can spend my time trying to be or do other things, but it's all wasted. You want inspiration for a school project? Put your face in the carpet, go on a walk, whatever it takes to be who you were created to be. A laid-down-lover of the Man Jesus. Aligning that will cause everything, and I mean everything... to work out exactly the way it needs to. Not the way you want it to (you could never dream of an ideal situation that can compete with what He has for you), but the way it needs to.

now stop reading blogs and hanging out on the internet and go be who you were created to be.

Speed Post

Brett's on his way to pick me up to go out and meet up with some people in Tulsa.

Here's what's on my mind (not related to tonight's activities):

I want to be great...

I want to know things.

I want to hear the voice of the Lord well.

I want to know God, experience the Holy Spirit and follow Jesus well.

I want to design creatively and thoroughly.

I want to play music well.

I want to be able to speak well.

I want to listen well.

I want to be known by the people I love.

I want to read well.

Right Now, I Hate Spiders or Don't Become A Servant Of The God Who Desires Lovers.

Spiders have been attacking me. They've been finding corners in my mind and weaving little webs of lies and deception, trying to destroy my trust in people and my knowledge of my identity in Christ. Today I had coffee with Brett, one of my best friends that the Lord has me in close community with, and I all of a sudden burst open the sack of lies the Great Deceiver was filling. It felt great. I felt a lift of some of the obvious oppression.

The Deceiver is Great at deceiving. He is so freaking sneaky. His lies are so misleading and we must not mistake his voice for the Voice of our Father. Spiders sneak in when you're asleep, when you're not cleaning your house, and even when you've just finished destroying their webs. They come in and find the most random but somehow perfectly unnoticed place to start taking ground. 

After coffee, I went and was reunited with Blake Slatten, one of the very few people in my life I can say without a doubt I will be looking up to for the rest of my life, connected spiritually. I told him about the spiders and he prayed for me. It was great. I felt more of the oppression lifting and was incredibly blessed by his praying over me.

Then, Phil, Becky (his fiance) and I went to Edmond to a His Tribe prayer meeting. Phil and I led worship, and while we worshiped, I saw a spider run across the carpet. After soaking in the Presence for a while, Shane asked if anyone had been having a hard time the past couple weeks. I raised my hand. So did some other people.

Phil and Canaan, a friend of mine from His Tribe, began praying over me. I felt my legs give out, and right before I hit the ground Phil saw a white-ish spider run across the ground. Ramey, another friend from His Tribe, ministered to me and prayed for me while I was on the ground. He said he saw a lake full of God's Love that I was free to run and soak and drink in all that I desired. I could feel the Love of God soaking into me like I was a sponge as I remained on the carpet, full of peace.

The white-ish spider, Phil said, seemed to be a religious spirit type of liar trying to go in and weave lies about my identity and a false sense of earning the role of Lover in Christ's heart.

Sorry this post is so jumbled. Hopefully some of you are getting what happened today. If you've felt the way I have the past couple weeks, with an accuser and a deceiver weaving webs of lies in the dark corners of your mind and heart, claim the identity of Christ over your life. His love is unconditional. And that doesn't just mean it's continual. It means it doesn't take anything for Him to love you fully. Allow yourself to soak in the Love of Jesus and allow yourself to be defined by that love. Nothing else. THEN, from THAT place of being loved and desired by God... Pray. Read your Bible. Minister. Rest. Go to work/school. 

Don't become a servant of the God who desires Lovers.

I Am So Hungry For You

I need you so bad. I'm longing for you so badly I feel sick to my stomach. It's really hard to find you the way I'm used to finding you right now. Sometimes these times make me question what I'm looking for... Am I looking the right way? Am I going to the right places? What about the decisions I make every day? The little things... Help me get back on that track. Some of the avenues of breakthrough seem to be closed off. This intersection is beginning to feel like a change in terrain. 'I want to waste my life to search you out.' oops. I look at things I've said to you, and it freaks me out. I've said some jacked up stuff. And I know I've meant it. But sometimes I just have a freak out session trying to comprehend the things you've had me say. I say that 'you had me say' them because there is no way I could've come up with some of that stuff on my own. 

'I want to waste my life to search you out.'

I guess this is the part where I search. I guess this is the part where I waste my life. my emotions. my love. my energy. my time. my mind. my night. on finding you.

'Find' by Philip Rice

If I fly on feathered wings of the dawn

Riding rapidly from time

If I say this darkness will be my fortress

You'll still find me there.

If I sail to the far side of the sea

Breaking every tide that keeps me

Keeps me in this state of mind

If I say this darkness will be my fortress

You'll still find me there.

Oh God find me there.

You'll still find me there.

Come find me there.

Won't you find me there.

Where can I go that your spirit is not there

Where can I hide from your presence Oh God

I cannot and I will not hide.

So come find me here.

I am here. I am here.

Find me here.

Find me.

Find me here.

Here I am, God

On the far side of the sea.

Come find me here

You will find me here.

Search me and know me, God.

Search me and know my thoughts.

Know my thoughts.

Know my anxious thoughts.

Come find me here.

Putting Words To What I'm Pushing Through : There's No Sex Until The Lovers Are Together

I feel like I'm being called to the small things again. I'm definitely at an intersection. All red lights for now, it seems like. There are a lot of accidents that happen at intersections. Lots of cops (religious spirits) trying to direct traffic. I'm here to break the rules. If religious rules were meant to exist in the Kingdom, I'd be here to follow them. I'm not following any rule. I'm following Jesus. And he had no rules. He listened to His Father and did what he heard Him say. That's what I am here to do. I'm not here to make sure I can go right on red or that the left turn can be a yield on green or a left on arrow only. I must pray that God would shut the mouth of the Enemy trying to implant those thoughts and regulations. I pray that I would disregard the red lights altogether. This intersection only looks like an intersection. In the spirit realm I'm doing the same thing I've always been called to do: follow the voice of God. The active, present, constant voice of God. 

'I'm being called to the small things again...'

- Finding the Lord in the moments. I'm done doing things right now. I'm done meeting, evangelizing, healing, feeding, and contending. I'm called to being. Being a Lover of the Man Jesus. Being possessed by my husband, the creator of Heaven and Earth. Being loved. Being in communion. Being in love with a lover who made me to be a lover just like Him. My desire to love a woman is there only to be fulfilled by the Lover of all lovers right now. The answer to all of life's questions has one answer : and it's not about us doing anything. It's about being who we were created to be by loving Love. The One who embodies love. The One who has no love language because He is love. 

______________

- Obviously, from that place, we automatically go out and minister, meet, pray, heal, feed, and contend... but there's no food to eat before the meal is set out on the table. There's no effect before the cause. There's no prophecy before the spirit of prophecy falls. There's no sex until the lovers are together.

...

(click to enlarge)