Isaiah 55 Screenprint

This is the second screenprint I'm doing. These are two separate prints that will match up with each other. The colors will change a bit, but this is the idea.

L : 'the mountains and hills will burst into song before you'

R : 'the trees of the field will clap their hands'

(click to enlarge)

Philip and Becky

Are Engaged.

(click to enlarge)

More at flickr.com/blakestuddard

The Single Reason Why I've Ever Failed

I waste my time TRYING...

to be creative, conjuring up design ideas for projects

to please the Lord

to find the people God wants in my life

to get words for people

to balance my schedule

to stay in touch with people

to know which people to cut out of my life

to reach out and touch people around me... 'for Christ!' (just threw up in my mouth)

to know God

to walk in righteousness

I benefit from time spent...

BEING a lover of my husband.

that's all.

its who I am. I can spend my time trying to be or do other things, but it's all wasted. You want inspiration for a school project? Put your face in the carpet, go on a walk, whatever it takes to be who you were created to be. A laid-down-lover of the Man Jesus. Aligning that will cause everything, and I mean everything... to work out exactly the way it needs to. Not the way you want it to (you could never dream of an ideal situation that can compete with what He has for you), but the way it needs to.

now stop reading blogs and hanging out on the internet and go be who you were created to be.

Speed Post

Brett's on his way to pick me up to go out and meet up with some people in Tulsa.

Here's what's on my mind (not related to tonight's activities):

I want to be great...

I want to know things.

I want to hear the voice of the Lord well.

I want to know God, experience the Holy Spirit and follow Jesus well.

I want to design creatively and thoroughly.

I want to play music well.

I want to be able to speak well.

I want to listen well.

I want to be known by the people I love.

I want to read well.

Right Now, I Hate Spiders or Don't Become A Servant Of The God Who Desires Lovers.

Spiders have been attacking me. They've been finding corners in my mind and weaving little webs of lies and deception, trying to destroy my trust in people and my knowledge of my identity in Christ. Today I had coffee with Brett, one of my best friends that the Lord has me in close community with, and I all of a sudden burst open the sack of lies the Great Deceiver was filling. It felt great. I felt a lift of some of the obvious oppression.

The Deceiver is Great at deceiving. He is so freaking sneaky. His lies are so misleading and we must not mistake his voice for the Voice of our Father. Spiders sneak in when you're asleep, when you're not cleaning your house, and even when you've just finished destroying their webs. They come in and find the most random but somehow perfectly unnoticed place to start taking ground. 

After coffee, I went and was reunited with Blake Slatten, one of the very few people in my life I can say without a doubt I will be looking up to for the rest of my life, connected spiritually. I told him about the spiders and he prayed for me. It was great. I felt more of the oppression lifting and was incredibly blessed by his praying over me.

Then, Phil, Becky (his fiance) and I went to Edmond to a His Tribe prayer meeting. Phil and I led worship, and while we worshiped, I saw a spider run across the carpet. After soaking in the Presence for a while, Shane asked if anyone had been having a hard time the past couple weeks. I raised my hand. So did some other people.

Phil and Canaan, a friend of mine from His Tribe, began praying over me. I felt my legs give out, and right before I hit the ground Phil saw a white-ish spider run across the ground. Ramey, another friend from His Tribe, ministered to me and prayed for me while I was on the ground. He said he saw a lake full of God's Love that I was free to run and soak and drink in all that I desired. I could feel the Love of God soaking into me like I was a sponge as I remained on the carpet, full of peace.

The white-ish spider, Phil said, seemed to be a religious spirit type of liar trying to go in and weave lies about my identity and a false sense of earning the role of Lover in Christ's heart.

Sorry this post is so jumbled. Hopefully some of you are getting what happened today. If you've felt the way I have the past couple weeks, with an accuser and a deceiver weaving webs of lies in the dark corners of your mind and heart, claim the identity of Christ over your life. His love is unconditional. And that doesn't just mean it's continual. It means it doesn't take anything for Him to love you fully. Allow yourself to soak in the Love of Jesus and allow yourself to be defined by that love. Nothing else. THEN, from THAT place of being loved and desired by God... Pray. Read your Bible. Minister. Rest. Go to work/school. 

Don't become a servant of the God who desires Lovers.

I Am So Hungry For You

I need you so bad. I'm longing for you so badly I feel sick to my stomach. It's really hard to find you the way I'm used to finding you right now. Sometimes these times make me question what I'm looking for... Am I looking the right way? Am I going to the right places? What about the decisions I make every day? The little things... Help me get back on that track. Some of the avenues of breakthrough seem to be closed off. This intersection is beginning to feel like a change in terrain. 'I want to waste my life to search you out.' oops. I look at things I've said to you, and it freaks me out. I've said some jacked up stuff. And I know I've meant it. But sometimes I just have a freak out session trying to comprehend the things you've had me say. I say that 'you had me say' them because there is no way I could've come up with some of that stuff on my own. 

'I want to waste my life to search you out.'

I guess this is the part where I search. I guess this is the part where I waste my life. my emotions. my love. my energy. my time. my mind. my night. on finding you.

'Find' by Philip Rice

If I fly on feathered wings of the dawn

Riding rapidly from time

If I say this darkness will be my fortress

You'll still find me there.

If I sail to the far side of the sea

Breaking every tide that keeps me

Keeps me in this state of mind

If I say this darkness will be my fortress

You'll still find me there.

Oh God find me there.

You'll still find me there.

Come find me there.

Won't you find me there.

Where can I go that your spirit is not there

Where can I hide from your presence Oh God

I cannot and I will not hide.

So come find me here.

I am here. I am here.

Find me here.

Find me.

Find me here.

Here I am, God

On the far side of the sea.

Come find me here

You will find me here.

Search me and know me, God.

Search me and know my thoughts.

Know my thoughts.

Know my anxious thoughts.

Come find me here.

Putting Words To What I'm Pushing Through : There's No Sex Until The Lovers Are Together

I feel like I'm being called to the small things again. I'm definitely at an intersection. All red lights for now, it seems like. There are a lot of accidents that happen at intersections. Lots of cops (religious spirits) trying to direct traffic. I'm here to break the rules. If religious rules were meant to exist in the Kingdom, I'd be here to follow them. I'm not following any rule. I'm following Jesus. And he had no rules. He listened to His Father and did what he heard Him say. That's what I am here to do. I'm not here to make sure I can go right on red or that the left turn can be a yield on green or a left on arrow only. I must pray that God would shut the mouth of the Enemy trying to implant those thoughts and regulations. I pray that I would disregard the red lights altogether. This intersection only looks like an intersection. In the spirit realm I'm doing the same thing I've always been called to do: follow the voice of God. The active, present, constant voice of God. 

'I'm being called to the small things again...'

- Finding the Lord in the moments. I'm done doing things right now. I'm done meeting, evangelizing, healing, feeding, and contending. I'm called to being. Being a Lover of the Man Jesus. Being possessed by my husband, the creator of Heaven and Earth. Being loved. Being in communion. Being in love with a lover who made me to be a lover just like Him. My desire to love a woman is there only to be fulfilled by the Lover of all lovers right now. The answer to all of life's questions has one answer : and it's not about us doing anything. It's about being who we were created to be by loving Love. The One who embodies love. The One who has no love language because He is love. 

______________

- Obviously, from that place, we automatically go out and minister, meet, pray, heal, feed, and contend... but there's no food to eat before the meal is set out on the table. There's no effect before the cause. There's no prophecy before the spirit of prophecy falls. There's no sex until the lovers are together.

...

(click to enlarge)

This Feels Good or The Authority Of Our Pinky Fingers

I've been pushing through something. I've experienced a lot of resistance from the Enemy lately. He'll creep into my dreams and whisper in my ear when I'm focusing my mind on the Lord. He'll distract and deceive his way into my thoughts and try to knock me off alignment with Jesus. Even now, I feel him trying to put my mind on the 'to do' list that somehow disappears when I get up from a form of worship or connecting with God. It's a strange sensation to be intent on talking with the Lord, and then something pops in your mind that makes you tend to an 'urgent' issue, and then all of a sudden the issue is much less important once you walk away from the posture of worship and prayer.

It's hard.

But it feels good.

Because : 

Psalm 27:2

'When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall.'

I will not stumble. The Enemy will. The demonic realm falls. And will continue to fall. Because of Psalm 27:1. 'The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold/refuge of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?' v. 3: Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.'

Satan has power but no authority. We have power and authority. We can give Satan power, but he has to steal it from us via deception. We must repeat the truth with the authority we have, and at the name of Jesus, demons go running back to Hell. The more we do this, the more we are faced with, but the more we are communing with our Father, our Lover, our Husband. Let us not be surprised by oppression when we press in to the Lord. We must expect it. Then we can also expect to speak out in authority against The Liar. We can also expect to trample the heads of the snakes (the religious spirit) and the scorpions and the spiders. I don't know about you, but I've got a lot of snakes and scorpions and spiders to go trample. I'll be right back. This won't be long. We have more authority in our pinky finger than all of Hell and it's disgusting, deceptive, repulsive inhabitants.

'The Year of Death and Rebirth'

There's been a shift in seasons recently. Quick recap of the past year :

October : The Lord takes me into the desert via a painful, abrupt, hi-jacking style of purging... See post : 'The Desert' for details. I watch daily at His doors, and He is faithful to be All Sufficient One in my loneliness.

November : He appoints me as leader of a mission team to Africa in the midst of my weakness. Simultaneously, He gives me a heart for the homeless and addicted of urban OKC. (the refuge)

December : I turn 21 years old and decide to not have a drink of alcohol until at least a year goes by. I want the wine of the Holy Spirit. I want the pearl of great price. Not painted slivers of glass.

January - February : He calls me to reckless abandon in following Him to a mission training school in Waco for the next couple years of my life, and I say 'yes.'

March : I tattoo 'rid me' on myself along with Blake Slatten, claiming it as the theme of my life. (refers to a song lyric, "rid me of myself; I belong to you")

April : The Lord anoints The Neighborhood, a rock and roll band I play in at various bars, venues, and festivals. Publicity and favor with the press and artists spikes.

May : The Lord takes the team to Mozambique, Africa- blowing our minds and confusing us at the same time.

June - July : On the road around the U.S. with Nick Thurmond Band, running sound and recovering from a 12 - hour period of being back from Africa prior to hopping in the tour van.

August : The Lord doesn't have me follow through with the steps to go to Waco. Then I meet a girl the last week of the tour, and we are immediately attracted to each other.

September : The girl and I stop dating each other... Details omitted. All you need to know is it was all good and still is good. I learn more about what it means to be prophetic. Norman Community (my church) is reaping a harvest of healings and other breakthroughs from God, aligning perfectly with my life.

October : Here we are. In the middle of it. I'm having a terribly hard time putting a theme to it... Maybe its the month of remembrance. That would definitely make a lot of sense. It's been a year since the fire started. I am on my 5th journal since then. I could not ask for a better year of my life. 'Epic' doesn't do it justice. Neither does 'Mindblowing.' Maybe 'Indescribable' will suffice for now. Maybe I can name it 'the year of- something.' 'The Year of Provision.' 'The Year of Death and Rebirth.'

what a year.

Yom Kippur

this is a sketch of the next screenprint I'm making. The dark type is stuff the Lord said to me, and the light type is made up of song lyrics that directly spoke to me over the past year. The lighter refers to the fire I found myself in a year ago tomorrow. Even though it's not the most technically appealing piece I've ever done, it's definitely the most important thing I've ever made, and the best part is no one will never know it. Unless they read this. Oh, and the colors went crazy when I exported the .jpg, it's actually brown and beige with a purple lighter. But I kinda like these colors. We'll see what happens by Monday (when the project is due).

I Want To Get Drunk

I've been drunk before. Not very many times, but definitely a few. I'm not used to it, so whenever I'm starting to get drunk, it always sneaks up on me. I don't know how to enjoy it the way many people who get drunk all the time do, but I want to learn. There is nothing better than that feeling. I long for that feeling more than almost any other feeling in the world. It's like ecstasy or something. Which I'm really wanting to do to. I'm so desperate to feel the feeling of ecstasy. I know people who experience ecstasy, and it fries them. They seem to get dumber and dumber but somehow it appeals to me deeply. They're only dumber about things that don't matter anyway, like being in tune with 'reality.'

Okay, I'll stop talking in code. But only to let you in on the place I'm coming from which makes the above paragraph so literal. Many of you know exactly what I'm saying here. Many of you think I'm crazy. I don't know why I'm saying 'many' when only two or three of you will even read this. I guess I don't really care if you're reading this or not...

Everything. EVERYTHING. Everything in the kingdom worth desiring has been counterfeited by the Enemy. Drunkenness and ecstasy are just two of them. And I'm not gonna act like I don't want to feel ecstasy and drunkenness. I'd be living a lie to walk toward a sober lifestyle and pretend to be completely okay with it. I'm not okay with it. I'm not okay (and I believe NONE of us should be okay) with not getting drunk with love before the Lord. I know you're saying to yourself, 'Oh, okay, I get it... drunk with love. Like in the Bible. Yeah, okay, it's good to be warm and fuzzy in love with God.'

But let me correct you : I want to fall on the ground dizzy. I want to feel hungover in the morning. I want to slur my speech. I want to stumble around and laugh and sing songs at the top of my lungs. I want to get drunk on the wine of the Holy Spirit. And I want you to know that. I want it to be a part of my life.

If I believe in the Bible, I believe some jacked up stuff. If I literally believe what it says (which I do), then these are some of the things I believe in :

teleportation (yeah, like people disappearing and reappearing in other places) - Acts 8

..... (I was going to type out some other ones but thought that was crazy enough to swallow by itself)

I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm just saying how I'm feeling and hopefully giving some insight into how 'crazy' I may be, which is what's making me feel that way.

That is all for now. In the meantime, hopefully I'll be getting pretty plastered.